I think I may need a shovel..

I knew the time would come. It is inevitable, being I live in the Midwest. Snow loves it here, so do below arctic temps. As write this I can hear the wind blowing, whistling. The wind must not know I am in no mode for music.

It is suppose to snow for 2 days. Yes count em, 1...2...Days. Going to get nearly one foot of snow by Friday morning. Of course, the weather man can be wrong. It has happened before. I mean once or twice.

I hate snow, I hate cold, I hate ice, I hate shoveling, I hate scrapping windows and warming up the car. I hate winter coats, I hate hats, I hate wearing mittens, I hate scarves. I hate winter.

***************************************

Ok, here is an update. So Old mother hen has went on a date with the guy from E-Harmony. His name is Jim. He has a nice house, lives on the golf course, drives a Lexus and just got back from vacationing in Mexico. I say he is a keeper.

She is meeting his family next week, and she wants to bring him here to meet us on Christmas
Day.

Did I mention he seems to be a bit wealthy? Ok, did he read my qualifications? He seems to be what I had always dreamed of. A rich daddy. * aww, I am giddy*

So I am getting a new mommy who is younger than me, and possibly a new daddy who is richer than me.

could my life get any sweeter?

************************************

I have ate too many balls. My sweet peanut butter chocolate balls are very tastey. Almost too tastey. My workout pants are feeling like they fit too good...

This is not a good sign, not a good sign at all.

************************************

Ok so The Husband has to leave tomorrow morning for Ohio. ( if the flight is not delayed or cancelled due to the impending doom, we call winter).

Now mind you he has known for months now he had to leave. So this afternoon he emails me asking me to pack for him. Like I don't have enough to do. So I do some laundry and make sure he has clean crap...Then tonight after choir practice he says

" so you don't have my bags packed?"

" ok, I washed your stuff, touched your dirty underwear to wash them, folded some of your pants and got some socks together...no I did not pack your dang bag"

I swear, one of these days!!!

*************************************

If I don't start getting a little respect.....I may move, move to a land where mothers are held to a high regard, where we get paid vacation days, moments of peace and quiet, and foot rubs upon request.

Anyway, I guess I will have to live with the chaos that is my family.

And I get no foot rubs.


Happy hump day.

Toodles



** Editors note, as of 3am The Husbands flight was cancelled and school has been delayed 2 hours...Dont cancell it..No NO..Not when it is suppose to snow like heck this afternooon. Yes, lets send them out, with the possiablty of not getting them home...Reason number 345gabazilloin why I hate this town.

at least I dont have to shovel....Now The husband will be home;)

Ok, on to the sweety balls and crap in the dog

I made peanut butter balls yesterday. IS there a way to dip the peanut ball in boiling hot chocolate without melting your peanut balls?.........hmmm...answer me this!!....I refridgarate it for hours...Like the directions say...But my balls still melt.

*******************************

How do you know your dog needs to go back to the groomer? Ok, I will tell you when....When her poop starts sticking to the back of her fur. When you have a long haired dog, and you don't groom her like your suppose to, your only asking for crap.

I had to throw my dog in the tub to wash her own feces off of her person. I noticed that she had candy wrappers coming out of her pooper...Like 4 of them!!...Where did she get the candy wrapper from? We don't have any candy??.....I swear, dogs can find anything...Now I am just counting down till she keels over, I mean she must of at enough chocolate to die right?

********************************

Last night as we were gathered around the family dining table, The husband asks me if I got him a plate.

Me: " um, no"
TH:" how bout a fork"
Me: " lets see , I just got the kids plates, silverware, and beverages..Can ya get your own plate?

TH:" well, you do things for them, but nothing for me, how interesting"

ME:" well, I say we're even..You don't do anything for me either.

Kissing Spawn: " well now he does too, he goes to work everyday so he can bring home money for you"


ok, who the hell invited this kid into our conversation anyway? Little pisser.

*********************************************************

If you wanna se pics of my cookies and sweet balls I made, go to my family site..

www.threeisnotcompany.blogspot.com

Enjoy..

Toodles

blogger suck, my sweet balls, and crap outta my dog

I am so very tired..my blog was down all day...for unknown reasons. Iwill tell you about my sweet balls and cdap out of the dog later.........I am under the influnce of Ambien right now..and it ia too hard to get this much o0ut,

please dont hate me...this is what it does if i dont go rigt to bed...

I will tell you about sweety balls and ccrappy dogs in the morngint...

it will be well worth it i promise...love u guys,,peace out

toodles

i am not enev gonna spell check this..this is just too good


the letters keep moving..swaying back and forth, I must get out now

cya later with the story and the non-drugged blogger perfection..

toodl;es

This train don't stop....

My weekend was "ok" at best. Went shopping Friday and still have not finished..I am wondering how the birth of Christ has turned into a holiday where Christina goes absolutely broke. I don't think that is what Jesus intended...Maybe, but I doubt it.

Plus the people who were renting our house in Michigan had to move out because they cant afford the rent, water bill, gas bill, and their booze and smokes. So now we have it for sale again. I pray to Christ himself to let this darn house sell, or else "accidentally" burn to the ground.

We have a very active railroad in this city. The dang thing goes by at least every 2 hours. On the way home from church I see ahead that the train is crossing...Oh wait...The train isn't moving!!

I look at my clock in the van, it read 11:37am. At 11:58 I decide to turn around and go the long way home....When the husband went out 4 hours later to get eggs, guess what was in the middle of the road still....!! Yup the dang train....Must be a union or something.

**************

Ok is it just me, or would the following piss your knickers off too.

The husband has this niece who just had a birthday. I got her a gift certificate at the bookstore. I emailed her mother to ask if she got it. I also ask her to please give me some ideas for her kids for Christmas. This was 2 weeks ago. Has Christina heard back...Oh hell no..What happen to the courtesy " thanks we got your card" or the " oh here are some ideas for X-mas"...??

My MIL called last night, and the husband said she told him the niece likes black..I thought ok, I will find a piece of coal or a black crayon and call it good....Sounds good to me.

************************************

Hello hotties for today









Luka from ER.....I like a man with an accent.....

and









Ashley Judd.....The good looking Judd with talent:)

Happy Monday.....

Toodles

This is why Santa hates you....

So I bought The Husband a nice pair of jeans and a rocking shirt for Christmas. (ok, so he bought it). And I tucked it under the bed. Nobody ever goes under the bed. I mean, there is nothing there..Why go there?

I come upstairs Saturday afternoon and what do my wandering eyes should appear? But the crap I bought the Husband laying here.

I said " what the hell"

he says " yes, I was gonna ask you about that, since when do u hide your clothes under the bed?"

" MY clothes...That was part of your Christmas present dumb as*"

Merry freaking Christmas!!!!!.....

Mind your own business....Stop going under the bed...Who does that??

Damn!!



I have turned my comment moderator on. I had some asswipe leave a comment on the old address telling this address...And they live in Arkansas...I will hunt them down and skin them. So for now I am leaving it on....So when your comment does not show up right away, don't worry...It will get here, and please don't stop leaving them....Nothing like trying to find a simple place in blogland to have a simple jerkoff try and ruin it. Whoever you are, please go away...Your not wanted in my world of blogland bliss. Its either this, or prozac...And I hate swallowing pills.


I am so relieved you all found me, I was worried. You guys truly have no clue how much I love you guys.....Even though I do not know you personally, I do know you...Ya no?

Thanks for everything

Toodles

Ok, I hope I got everyone

If you don't ever have to change your blog address I highly recommend you don't. It took me over an hour just go inform everyone..And if I did not tell you, HA HA you will never no..

I started a family blog that will be for the family. Feel free to drop by there. Melis is doing the work over there for me. I can not wait till it is done. That address is www.threeisnotcompany.blogspot.com. And its on my blogroll.

Now I can delete my other blog, cause this one is all mine. I can tell you all sorts of crap on here.

Anyway, I just hope I did not lose anyone I did not want too. If I don't hear from you guys, I will make sure I stop back by to make sure I tolf you. You have to remember I am blonde underneath my brown masquerade.

Toodles

THIS IS FOR MY LURKERS

By weekends end I am moving....If you like to lurk here and read....u must let me know so I can give you the new address to this freakshow I call my blog. If you dont give a rats ass, then carry on then....been nice knowing you have been reading, and I hate to lose ya.

T-minus 16 hours and counting till the move!!

Nothing wrecks your night like...

First I want to thank you all for your funny stories about us...I cracked a smile on all of them.

Have you ever......(I am about to charter into unknown waters here, say something really gross about myself, or rather admit something gross..Bare with me). Ok say your assuming the position to ahh, umm,....Go pee. And you spot something on the floor you want to get a closer look at. And for the sake of argument lets say you lean over to far in mid-stream. And also lets say...for the sake of argument that you accidentally piddle on the back of your favorite jammie bottoms. Now do you change them? Or just say, " oh its just a tiny piddle, you will be fine.."

Well lets just say for the sake of sounding like a gross ,vile and disgusting gal....That I did change my bottoms...And lets just say, I didn't sleep well without my good bottoms on.

Lesson learned....If its just a little piddle...Its ok.....Because I said so!!



Kissing spawn had a Christmas program today. I sent his sweet self out the door dressed in his Sunday best, his hair neatly placed in the way mom likes it.

I spot him at the concert, looking all homely. His shirt was untucked and wrinkled, his hair was sticking up in various spots noticeable to the naked eye. This is what happens when you put a hat on when the hair is still damp.....He looked like the kids you know, the ones who look like they wash bout once a week. The kids you never see with brushed teeth or combed hair..

Yup, that was my boy today...But his teeth looked good. I am a freak about teeth..I make my spawns brush their teeth, then I go in and re-do it.

These kids will have every reason to put me in home. I need to accept that fact. I will be alone , maybe get monthly visits, and the occasional hard candy drop off. I don't know why, but every nursing home I have worked at...Hard candy is like some sort of life saving apparatus for the old folks..I swear!!

Anyway, I am done...Have a delightful weekend...

Toodles

I have nothing.......nothing

I think I am going to be changing the address to this site. For personal reason I think that would be best. I will go down each member of my blogroll and let each of you know. If you read my blog and I don't know about you, I guess your shit out of luck. My site content wont change, I am not switching it up to a pornographic site or anything.

Since I am in no mood for blogging right now, I leave you with a fun little game I stole from Jamie Dawn..

Make up a comment of something you and I did....Like " remember that time you and I picked up a hitch-hiker and we robbed and shot him?...." Of course I have never done that, and I am hoping you have not either:)...Just make up a memory of something we did together.

This should be fun..I hope..

Toodles

Some things to get off my chest..

I really hate posting twice in one day...But this morning I have a number of items bothering me..And this is my blog..So screw off:)

First, to my Kissing Spawn...Next time I find drops of your urine on my toilet seat...I will remove your prostate...

Love mum

To my garbage bags who claim to have odor shield,
Um excuse me, but your box says you have odor shield and that means you shield odors..So why after an hour I out something in my garbage, does my kitchen smell like garbage? GLAD you suck donkey balls and you wont trick me into buying your fancy garb every again...

Love, a very unloyal costumer


To the lady I babysit for,
Um hello there, when you tell me your bringing me your kid Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday and fail to bring him all 3 days without calling me...You better be dead, or at least badly injured somewhere hollering for help..I know you have a hard time paying for my services, but hell, this is damn good kid watching service over here. I water them, I occasionally feed them, I let them color with my crayons, I let them use my pencils to write Santa letters...All this for only 2.25 an hour..I call that one hell of a good deal.

Love, the lady who will not be watching your kid soon if you don't show the common courtesy to call..I could of had something important to do those days but didn't cuz I was watching your kid.


I need to go write out my Christmas cards now..If you want one..Email me your address..

OK, you better go read my real post below..It is way better than this crap

Toodles

No baby spawn,you can not do that

Baby spawn, hello its me mum. I am sorry for pretending I am talking to Dora, Boots, Backpack, and Map when you had me the phone. I had no idea you would think you could talk to them through the television...Today when you put your tiny ear up to the speaker of the telly and tried with all your might to talk to Dora, I laughed...But then grew worried when you started reaching your bity hand behind the devil box in order to try and find her. My appologies to you and yours.. You CAN NOT talk to Dora. She is not alive. She is what we call a doodle.

*****************************************************

I stole this from my girl Shelly at www.packof2.blogspot.com

Give 10 weird or random facts about yourself....

1. When I was 10 I ran over my sister with my dads S-10 pick up truck.

2. When I was 17 I met a professional football player. And he asked for my phone number.

3. Back in the late 80,s I would go thru one can of Aqua Net hairspray in a week..the pink and gray can. I belive I single handledly helped depleat the ozone layer.

4. In elementary school I told all my friends and my teacher that my dad was Tom Sellek. When I was called out on it, I said that he was my dads brother. I had one person years later who must have belived me, tell me they saw my uncle at the party store.

5. I tried stealing a car once. But my plans were foiled when I could not reach the pedals and could not figure out what key went into the ignition.

6. In like 3-5 grade I would take paper clips, and un-fold them. I would put them in my mouth, mold it to my teeth, adhere it with gum and tell all my friends I had a retainer.

7. I use to let my boy friends in thru my bedroom window. Once I was making out with one thru the window and had the damnest thing happen. I wont go into detail, but I ended up putting my feet thru the glass and messed up my feet pretty good.

8. After watching an episode of The Jefferson,s I went to school the next day and called my teacher " a stupid honky"....Not knowing the ramifications of that!! Also not knowing what it meant..

9. After watching The Jazz Singer ( starring Neil Diamond) I told my teacher I was Jewish. I rember it was getting close to The Holiday season and I had no idea what Hannaka was. She asked me to tell the class about Hannaka. Lets just say..I was outted then...

10. I once had a fish bowl filled with worms and toads. That I caught myself. Now, I woudlnt touch one to save my soul. Toads give you warts.

I wont tag anyone....But if ya wanna do it, go for it....

******************************************************
I am still having troubles with my prostate. I am gonna buy Depends soon so I can watch my whole soap opera without interuptions. Or buy the jumbo size Pampers..That way it doesnt look like I have a problem.

*********************************************************
Hello hottie..

It wont let me post a picutre.....I will try later.....


it will not let me spell check either..gosh I hope you can decode my jibberish nonsence..I really need to have a handbook...

Toodles

This is why I hate......

buffets......I normally don't hit the buffet circuit. I like my nutrition to be fresh, not heated under a light bulb. Call me what you will, but don't call me a buffet eater.

Me and the husband went to a pizza buffet tonight. I hate pizza, and I hate buffets. When I go to a buffet I find myself looking at the others. The ones who go up 5 or 6 times. The ones who truly get their moneys worth.

I am always worried that someone is counting the number of times I go up. I was hungry tonight, so you could of set a plate of deep fried horse in front of me and I would of ate it.

As I am going up for my first plate, I look around. I want to know if anyone is eyeballing me. I look around and everyone is overweight. I check to make sure everyone is bigger than me..

yes, I seem to be the skinniest one in here, so if I go up for numerous plates its ok...I am in need of some nourishment.

So the pressure is off me, I am wearing my workout clothes, they will see I workout. They will think...what is a girl like that doing eating pizza....She should be chewing on a carrot.

I eat my 2 slices of vegetarian pizza. I am still hungry. Do I go back up? Will they notice ? Is someone watching me? Does my ass look big in my workout pants?

Ok I know I am not skinny by any means, but I was the smallest gal there...SO I was feeling good.

I went up for more, on the way up there I see this 400 pound lady eye balling me. We make eye contact. I can sense she is watching my every move. I take a piece of pineapple and cheese. I walk away. She is still eye balling. Ok Is she in love with me? Yes, yes she must be.

After that I want a breadstick. I look around. She is looking at me..WTF!! I throw her a nasty look and go " duh"

I quickly see I have met my match. This woman is scared. Scared I will eat all her pizza, because she tends to sit there all night and eat till she vomits. I walk by her again. This time I feel her hatred. She wants me to die. She wants me to keel over so she can grab the last breadstick off my plate.

I quickly take my seat. Glaring at her. Taking a bite of my breadstick. Her face is sweating, she is mad. I quickly scarf down my stick, and go back up. I am not even hungry at this point.

Why did this whole scenario take place? Why was I competing with a 400 pound woman for pizza. I don't even like pizza.

I need therapy in the worse way.

*************************************************

Covert spy spawn lost a top tooth today. It was a big bloody mess. She bit into her apple, and it was like a bloody massacre. She yells " momma my tooth, help me my tooth"

It was hangin by a thread , so once again I had to be the dentist.

I have figured it out..

I am a

1. Dentist
2.nurse
3.therapist
4.luandrymat attendant
5.chef
6.maid
7.banker
8.plumber
9.small appliance fixer
10.painter
11.redecorator
12. Baker..(crappy baker)
13.lawn mower man
14.planter
15.gardner
16.fitness instructor
17.doctor


ok , I will stop there. And you know what I get paid?

Oh yea, I don't get paid...Lets just say they couldn't afford me anyway.

************************************

out hello hotties for today










Matthew Maca whatever

and








Christina Applegate...Maybe it cuz we have the same name...Not sure:)

Toodles

gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now

I think I must be having prostate problems, or else I have bladder cancer. For the last few days, it hits me like a ton of bricks, like I have to go pee at this minute..I can not wait 2 minutes..I gots ta go now.

Then, I have to go about every half hour, even if I have not drank anything. And sometimes when I go it is just little dribblets...But it feels like 20 gallons. So I hope it fixes its self. I had to have minor bladder surgery a few years back, for a similar problem..But I am not going thru that again..There are some places a Dr. Does not need to go, and up your urethra is one of them.

I will keep you posted..I know you will be worried sick.
*************************************************************

Ok now here are some shameless pictures....I here all the time that Covert Spy Spawn looks a bit like Meg Ryan. So here are some pictures and you be the judge...K?






















































So that is my almost 6 year old Covert Spy Spawn...And here is Meg Ryan






















I guess I should do a Pre- fuc* up of her cute face..My little girl has not had a chin implant nor a brow lift:)..ok it wont let me post it...I will post it in a post below this one...just for comaprison...I am also going to add a total hidious photo of her...Why did she go a ruin her cute face?...check out the next post..

Now I can not fairly give one spawn a solo and not get the other 2 on...So please bare with me..

















Kissing spawn...Yes I know....It is dark and crappy..Remember momma needs a new camera..Santa if your reading this....You no my address..






















and my cute little Baby spawn...She is wearing my sunglasses and Covert spy spawns backpack..

ok, had to do one with all them....Ok I got it out of my system...Back to our regularly scheduled blogging.

******************************************************

Tonight I told hubby I thought his preacher talk was a bit odd, because I thought he was more liable to sway with the devil...My reason being was that he is gullible, he is a "yes" man..( no I didn't say ass man, I said yes man), and he can be tricked into doing just about anything.

To which he disagreed...He says " I can not be tricked easily"

To which Covert Spy spawn says....( and mind you, we had no idea she was paying attention or had any clue what we were talking about).

" daddy, guess what"

" what honey?"

" that's what....See you were just tricked!!"

duped by his 5 year old...Blessed days are these:)

No hottie today, I am having trouble uploading pictures....I know how you look forward to that:) My apologies to you and yours.

Toodles

meg ryan..and alien meg ryan

ok, first is the most adorable picutre of meg ryan....she is so pretty....then....

She turns into some kind of witchy looking thing...major chin implant...brow lift, lip injections..

why do beautiful folks do this to themselves....her cute button nose...IS GONE!!..

hope your happy with your new face Meg...I just hope my covert spay spawn dont end up looking like the new you

OHH MY EYES...MY EYES.....WHERE DID MEG RYAN GO?

the 15 year plan...

Friday night out the wild blue yonder, The husband hits me with his 15 year plan. My first thought is, who the hell makes a 15 year plan?? My second thought is, this is coming from a man who sometimes forgets to wash his hair in the shower.

Apparently he wants to be a preacher. For those of you who know me, know that I am not preacher wife materiel. I like rock music, I like throwing curse words..( I do try not too, but it is just pure habit), I am about as social as a black widow. I can not pretend to like someone, and I tend to speak my mind. If I think your being a dumb ass, I will say " Hey dumb ass"

I do not think that it would be very approicate for me..the preachers wife to say " shut the fuc* up you bi*ch" Or " I really don't like you, so please stop talking to me"

Now I have no problem persay with preachers or preachers wives. I just know that is not me. I am who I am... I am religious in my own way. I have my own relationship with The big Man upstairs. It may not be the same as yours, but I have one.

I try to curb my language, but habits are hard to break. From the time I was 13, I have had a mouth like a sailor. It does not make me any less religious, just means I am gonna have to do some extra pleading at the pearly gates when I get there. I have not ever broke one of the Ten Commandments. Well not that I can think of....Maybe just one....But who is counting...?

So what is my 15 year plan? Well being a preachers wife was not one of them. I was thinking more along the lines of constant vacations and living nicely off of The husbands retire fund..Maybe travel, go skinny dipping somewhere, maybe run from the cops at least one,let the kids come home once a year for the holiday...I will let them chose which holiday they can come home for!! But it looks like my 15 year plan and his, are going to collolide.

***************

My mom and I go shopping Saturday and before I leave The Husband says "are you leaving with your hair like that?"

"um, I was thinking about it"

"well it looks like you came straight out of the 80,s"

"is that a bad thing"

really it was not, I had it all pulled back. Try throwing your lady a compliment once in while..So far I know my cooking isn't that great, I cant do my hair,and I do not do a good job keeping the house picked up but it is ok for him to do laundry and throw the clothes in the middle of the basmement floor rather then bring them up to be folded....

I feel so loved:)

************************

Oh, Kissing spawn knows about * Santa*.....I had made up my mind that if he asked this year that we would tell him..He is going to be 9 in March, and I felt that it was a good age. I did not want his friends telling him, or them to make fun of him for believing...Kind of a sticky situation...I feel kind of sad, but I know it was for the best. He has been warned that if he breathes a word of this to his little sisters he will die!!

I knew about Santa in second grade. I asked, and my mom told me. I remember it very well. She had told me not to tell my sister..No matter how much I hated her, I did not say a word..Over the years, we got older, we got boobs, started our periods...And she still believed in Santa...Finally when my mom told her, she cried and cried....

This is what I deal with people!!


Our hello hottie for the day







yes this is Chef Rocco....I guess I will have to hire him to do my meal time cooking:)


and








Rachel Ray.....She can come cook his meals I guess


Have a good Monday


Toodles


editors note**

as I am getting the spawns ready to head out for the bus stop, I looked to see what the tempature is...it is -8 and with the wind feels like -20....reason number 40 gabizillon why I hate,loth, and dispise MN...It never got this cold in MI..but I hate MI too:)

Why I love my granny bird...

Today I called ole granny bird. I try to call her once a week if I don't hear from her. Today when we were conversing we got to talking about the Barbara Walters special with the most fascinating people of the year. Neither one of us watched the end so we did not know who the winner was.

She then proceeded to tell me that she purposely didn't watch it cause Tom Cruise was on it. And she can not stand him I guess..

Granny Bird: " I just don't get him, he isn't even that handsome"

Me: " I use to think he was cute until he turned into a creepy as$ mo-fo"

GB: " why on Earth he don't marry that girl that he got pregnant is beyond me, he just loves em and leaves them hanging"

Me: " leaves them hanging? He was married to that pasty girl for over 10 years"

GB: " He is nothing but A.....A...He is nothing but a shrimp, he is a little shrimp!"

GB: " And hopefully this marriage wont end up like that Kenny Chesney. I heard she says he was gay"

ME: " yes , I heard that too, she filed for an annulment, must mean they didn't do it"

GB: " well if he didn't feel like having sex with her, he should of tried some vitamin C pills or something"


I have no idea what the correlation between vitamin C and wanting to have sex is, but granny bird seems to think there is a link...And trust me..I did not go into why she thought this medical cocktail was going to help....If the guy is gay, I don't think a glass of OJ is gonna do the trick.

I have this friend named Tammy. She has been my "best friend" since about 1988. My granny bird would ask me all the time if Tammy had a boyfriend. And for years I would say.." Nope not yet"

Finally after about 10 years of diverting the question...I said " No, she is a Lesbian for Gods sake, she will never have a boyfriend"

" Oh, is that why she keeps her hair short?"


****************************************************************

Kissing spawn gets all pissed off today because I tell him to study for his vocabulary test and to put his dirty clothes down the laundry shoot. To which he replies

" So, can I sleep tonight?"

" um, I was kind of hoping you would, why do you ask?"

" well by the time I do all this stuff, it will definitely be too late to sleep, all your good at doing is wrecking my life"

" that's my job honey"

***********************************************************

ok, I know she is my honey, but Oprah kind of pissed me off...

I was watching her show yesterday and it was about Ethpoian women who get fustula during childbirth...( It is a hole that developes and causes bladder leaking and bad odor)

So instead of donating a few million dollars to fight the cause, she gives them all designer purses with 100 bucks in it, and new clothes....

hello Oprah, these poor women reek of urine, are kept locked in sheds and shunned by their husbands. Have no food to feed themselves or their families, and one in 14 dies during childbirth and have their first stillborn child by the age of 10.....I would definitely say they need a purse and a lipstick..Kudos Oprah..Job well done sweetie!!

our hello hotties today are

Harry Connick JR

and jenny McCarthy

have a Happy Friday and a wonderful weekend

Toodles

I need to put them girls on the treadmill

It has come to my immediate attention that I am a fat as$. Not only do I feel like a fat lazy piece of crap, but my boobs seem to be getting bigger. I swear if they get any bigger I will physically fall forward everytime I stand. And this will not be good for my face. As it stands right now I need a boob job, tummy tuck , and lipo..I do not want to add a chemical peel and or rhinoplasty to the list...I just can not afford it.

I like to think it is because I do chest exercises with my weights, but who the hell am I kidding? If I could put my girls on the treadmill I would, but for some reason after 30 years, they still can not walk by themselves without some support.

And now with a wedding coming up, I need to get my rack sized down. I don't want to have to buy a dress to sizes bigger than I need just so the girls with fit in. I swear I will leave them home if I have too. At my dads last...ahem wedding, I was knocked up with Kissing Spawn. And to tell you the truth I try and block that whole seneario out of my big boobed brain. SO for this wedding I would like to look smokin hot!!...But it is a winter wedding....So my girls will get chilly if I wear anything too "revealing".

**************************************

Here is a question for you guys...Everyone I ask this too, tell me no...But I think these 2 look like twins..What do u think?



















so here we have Michael from Extreme makeover Home edtion...And Kick ass detective Olivia Benson from Law and order SVU.....Ok can we say "separated at birth"?

Or is it just me folks???

*************************************

So I know you all dyeing to know about my romance with Oprah. But when your deep in love as we are, you just don't talk about it...The tabloids would just go nuts, and poor Stedman..He really has no clue...SO lets just keep this engagement between us...I truth you guys, your peeps:)

So lets keep this on the down low...mmkkay?

*****************************************

If any of you know how to post your videos on here, let me know. I have seen blogs where they post a part of home movies...And I soo wanna do that....But don't know how....SO let me know if u can....Thank you in advance your kindness and the wanting to see my spawns in real life..

:)

Have a happy Thursday...I know I will

Toodels

EDITORS NOTE..I FORGOT THE HELLO HOTTIE....HERE WE GO

WE HAVE THE GUY FROM LAW AND ORDER

CAN THIS DUDE GET ANY BETTER LOOKING....LOVE HIM...

AND MY BEST GIRL FROM LAW AND ODER..SMOKIN HOT OLIVIA BENSON

Dream a little dream

So last night I had a dream. One of the weirdest dreams a chick like me could have. I am almost too embarrassed to say it..Almost, but not quite.

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was engaged to someone...I had a weird black onyx ring with small encrusted diamonds..I was real ugly!! And for the person I was engaged too, they could soo afford a better for ring, for me. Their love.

So who was I engaged too...Ok I will tell you..I was engaged to none other than Oprah Winfrey. Is that totally insane or what? We were at some event and I wanted to make sure everyone knew her and I were together. It was creepy , yet not so creepy.

Heaven help me, why the heck am I dreaming about being Oprah,s brawd??

****
Is it totally insane for me to want to make nicey with some of my neighbors in order to get them to apply for Trading Spaces? Why do they have to live next door??? Damn, I don't even know my neighbors, and I don't know if their houses suck..I just want someone to come re-do my bedroom . I am too cheap and too lazy to hurdle that task. It is much too big. So if any of my neighbors are out there...."um hey, ya wanna...ahh, Trade Spaces sometime?"


Now have you heard of e-harmony.com?
It is a dating service online. My mom has signed up for it, and is hoping to find a match. I am in charge of weeding out the would be migdets and creeps. (truth be told, it is better this way). So every night I go thru her matches and pick the ones I like. I have found a few semi-alright guys. There is truly nothing harder than to marry off your mutha.

I have a few requirements of my own...
1. Must be above 5 feet tall ( I do not mean to discriminate..I am just sayin)

2. Must have job...(self explanatory)

3. Must be wealthy. ( I have always wanted to be rich)

4. Must have winter home off the coast of Hawaii..( and not be there when I want to go there)

5.Must be willing to take my mother to your house, feed her, bathe her ( not together of course),by her things,take her on trips,marry her, and be willing to let my kids have free reign of your house for weekends on end.

6. Must not be weird

7. Must be willing to give your step daughter cash for cruising, and going to the pizza shop..Or for a vacation or a new whatever I want when I want it

6. Let me call you daddy:-)


So do you think I will get any takers? I know, I am extremely fussy!! But trust me..I need to be..

She had me take a pic of her today to put on her profile..I did her hair and her make-up..So I will share with you the picture..I took one of her and baby spawn too..But again, she was not wanting her picture taken...Pisser!!







































So there you have it..If anyone wants to date her..Send all correspondents with your newest w-2 form to the address below

Marrying off mum
345 hot hunnie blv.
Minneapolis , MN

********************

And this reminds me of a funny story. When I was about 10 years old I was with my mom at some kind of party. Bunch of her friends and whatnot, and I was trying to be "cool and blend in with the ladies".

In front of all her friends I told her I wanted her to pack me the juice box with the green straw because I wanted to get horny.

Now 10 year old me had no bloody idea what horny meant, I just knew I heard my friends talking about being horny. All of my moms friends nearly wet themselves and my mom says

" do you know what horny means?"

" um, yes..."

" well, what"

"means I want to be kissed"

" um, well, yes..yes your right honey"

after we got home, she told me what it meant. I wanted to die because I had no idea what I was saying. And I felt so stupid. Later my mom told me that it was not a good thing for a 10 year old to be saying you want to be horny..I did not tell her I told my teacher before I left school that day that I was gonna get horny over the weekend..:-)

Here is our hello hottie

















Lenny Kravitz..Oh la la

and my honey....

hands off..They are both mine:-)

Happy hump day

Toodles

if u need a self esteem booster....

The other night I was bored. Kids were sleeping, hubby was sleeping, and there was nothing good on the telly. So I went somewhere where I had not been in a long time..Almost a year..I went to a yahoo chat room. Now dont get wrong, I have met some good frineds there..(I ONLY frequent the parenting rooms...just so you know). Since I had not been there in so long, I had not realized that you will get propsotioned for sex about every 2.2 seconds. I had men..and women falling all over me. Yup..I was hot commodity saturday night in parenting room 7. Oh yeah baby....

Which brings me to story I am about to tell. This happend to me Christmas Eve of last year..( which considentally is the last time I showed my face back in a chat room). I was tlaking to what I thought was a woman. A single mom. We got to talking and then she asked me if I wanted to view her webcam. I too have a webcam, but rarely use it...and I told her I would not be turning mine on..and this was ok with her.

So I accepted the offer to view her webcam. And before I could sheild my eyes, I was looking a big nekkad ugly man..And I mean he was nekkad!!!!!

I found this rather ickky...I quickly woke up the husband to show him!! He told me to shut it off and go to bed. But at this point I wa sucked in..I wanted to know what he was gonna say...Before I knew it...he said he had to go get something and he would be back...( now dont ask me why, I contiued to view his cam..I have no good answer, I just could not belive a live sane person would be doing such a thing, then I after he came back, I knew he was not sane).

So this fugly dude comes back, and he has a carrot in his hand. I am thinking he must be hungry. Before I know it, he bends over..his bung hole drapped over the webcam, and he puts the carrot up his...emmm..ahhh....pooper!!

I quickly shut it off, and vow that I will never go into anohter chat room as long as I live..And I did good, it has been almost a year!!!....And my gos, I knew better than to accept any invitaions to view webcams...This momma leanred her lesson the hard way...

Consider this my PSA for today: chat rooms, just dont do it:)



Ok on to other matters. It is just me and baby spawn today. She found an old sweatshirt of her sisters. And begged me to let her wear it. It is a little big....but my gosg this is one happy baby, until I wanted to take her picutre..

Notice Dora on her shirt...and The Wiggles big red car on her feet?..Yup..thats my girl
















something went wrong at this point...I think she was pissed off cause I was keeping her form the devil box.




































not sure what i did...making her pose just pisses her off I guess...

have a good Tuesday

Toodles**

How could this all happen in a span of 40 minutes

Things were going well. I was sitting with my baby spawn. Us two ladies were sitting on the couch watching The Wiggle,s Christmas movie...This was wrong on so many levels..The big thing I could not take any more of is...BARRY WILLIAMS AKA Greg Brady..On their dancing and singing with gold shimmery shirt and black leather tighties with a gold strip down the side..Oh yeah, he was SO not hot...Why oh why...Barry u don't belong in baby shows..U want Brady shows. I can see how they sound alike B-A-B-Y.......B-R-A-D-Y I can see the possible confusion..

Then when that spaz fest was over at my daily Martha watch..Today was a special day..It was This is your life Martha...And she did not guess one guest right..I almost felt a sense of sorrow for the poor saps who went there for this and she didn't even guess them..

"lets see..Is it Billy Jo"
"no Martha"
"is it bobby may"
"no Martha"

"well is it a man or woman"
I swear she did not guess one right....I would of felt like an insignificant piece of dog poo if she didn't guess me..Then we she sees who it is, she is like "oh yea, I rememeber you"

It was just painful....Painful like pulling a toe nail out...

*****

Ok to be clear I love all my regular blogger friends...And none of these things I had said were about any of you....So there...Your my peeps:) and I need all of you;)



SO here is the hello hottie today








can we get a Dr in the house please??? Dr John Carter stat please.

me and d miss u:)


and just to show what the good lookin
Brady looks like






















there yah have it for today. If I have something better to write in the morning I will...

Toodles***

blogging etiquette and my tree

I hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend with the fam. Things here were good. But I must say I am looking forward to getting back to normal. Ya no, kids head to school and The husband heading to work. There is such a thing as too much together time!!!!

Saturday night I had a conversation with Kissing Spawn. He wondered why his little 5 year old sister got on his nerves so much. I told him because she is 5 and your 8. I then asked him " don't you think you got on my nerves when you were 5?"

Then he says " well mom, you know I have gotten much wiser with age!!"

Oh really son? This coming from the same boy who told us all Saturday afternoon that he is now too old to practice kissing on his sister,s big barbie head because he was now a man!!..Alright then.


Here are some shameless pics of our tree and the spawns....Ho-Ho freaking Ho!!



















































Remember folks I have a crappy as$ camera!!!....

dear Santa, I have been a good girl this past year....Um....Err...I mean day. This is Just_Christina,s very special list...I better get everything on this damn list or there will be hell to pay...mmkkaay??

1. A digital camera that is not crappy as$..( Santa I take pictures everyday, please get something that will last...Thanks big guy.)

2. I-pod. One of these days I am gonna die of electrocution from taking my headphones in the tub while I belt out awesome tunes while I bathe and soak my tired dogs!!..And my freaking CD,s keep getting wet...

3. A winter home in Hawaii. Nothing fancy. Just 6000 square plus feet, with palm trees and coconuts. 5 plus bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (so we all have our own) and an olmpyic size swimming pool in the back 40. ( sometimes a girl needs her space, I have learned that over the past 4 days)

Thank you dear Santy,
I will leave you some rum with your cookies this year:-)

*********************************************************************

ok I am off on another subject now.

I am going to talk about blogging etiquette. I have noticed thru the last few months that there needs to be some rules established. SO I have taken it upon myself to write up a decree for us all to adhere by.

Rules
1. If someone takes the time to comment on your blog, please have the common courtesy to acknowlege their comment. I know not everyone has the time for that, I know!!!! But even make a comment back to even one person so your readers know you read it...I try to respond back to all my comments. It is hard sometimes, but I find it is really important..For those of you who hold down 2 or more jobs and have kids..You are excused from this rule:)

2.Dont steel materiel from other bloggers. Unless its a meme or something cute that you have asked permission to use. I am not talking about silly nonsense things..We all borrow from eachother there, I am talking about stealing your style or your stories. Trust me..I have seen it...(none of my regular bloggers..Some passer byers I have seen....) If you don't have enough materiel for your own blog..Please don't steal my stories and use them as your own...mmkkayy?? Just don't blog you damn fool.

3. If you can not update your blog more than once a month...You will be removed from my blogroll...Here again I realize folks are busy and can not make time everyday to do it..Just something once week is all I ask. Don't worry..I have removed you already if this applies to you:-)

4. Don't add someone on your blogroll just because you see they added you....Again, I have removed these already....I am very careful about who I add. I don't add right away. I have to try your blog on like a shoe, break it in before I take that step. All the blogs on my list are dear to me. Each one is different and they all rock.

4. If you go month or so and don't get a comment from a regular reader, chances are they have stopped reading your blog. Why? It doesn't matter, don't feel jilted. But I sure as hell aint goin back there anymore..I wont give my 3 minutes if they don't give me your 3 minutes....

again this is just a hypothetical

5.If you don't enjoy someone's blog....Don't leave them nasty comments..Just stop reading..It makes you look like a horses ass..

Ok these are just things I have come across or have been thru myself.....I hope you find these useful!!!

Feel free to add more rules if I left some out.....I would love to hear what you think.

OK here is our Hello Hotties for the day.

Johnny Depp...ok, hold up, I need to get my tongue back in my mouth














and Nicloe Kiddman..She is just your basic all round classy beauty




















sorry this is so long..I always try to keep mine short and sweet..I hope you made it thru..

Have a good Monday....

Toodles

Ho-Ho-Ho Hello Hottie

In the spirit of the season

















and for the ones who may prefer this one










Toodles

Hello Hottie

even if I have no time to post, I want to try and get my "hello hottie" on.

I am going to have a male hottie, as well as a female hottie.

I like to keep everyone happy, cause I am cool like that.

This is my 400th post....I need to slow down..For a blog that's only 7 months old...That's a lot of posting...I need a hobby

Cindy Crawford












I have always thought she was very pretty..Maybe its just me


Jon bon jovi






















this one is pretty self explanatory


if u want to read a post read the one from yesterday, I will post another hottie tomorrow, and continue to my regular nonsense on Monday

Toodles

The wave....Conversations I wish I never had

shopping on this day is totally assnine. Not only was it busy, but we woke up this morning to a mini snow storm. Must be a good 5 inches out there, and the weather man gave me no warning! So your telling me mister weather guy that your freaking radar took the day off for the holiday?

It took twice as long to make to the mall. So this pissed me off. No what else pissed me off? Give up? OK I will tell you.

You know when your sitting in traffic and you see a car needs in or out, and you stop and let them in or out? I have no problem with this action, I must admit I don't practice it. But The husband does. And there is some unwritten law somewhere that you are to give your fellow traveler the wave when they let you in. It is just what a good citizen of this planet does. Hell, I even do it..I have been known to give the wave on more than one occasion. It is common courtesy. Why do you take my polite advances and move forward ahead of me, and not give me any acklogement? Like I am freaking invisible? hello, do you see me here, the one who is letting you..For the last time I might add...

This is why I do not practice good " people skills" because it gets you no where. Remember this folks..If someone let you in....Please for the love of God...Give them the wave..

As we were on the road, I noticed something really awful. My winter coat, that I have not worn since March, had a very odd aroma. It has been laying on the floor of the dining room closet for months now. And I guess at one point in time my cat was much too lazy to head downstairs to her litter box. Because my freaking coat had a spot that smelled like cat piss. Oh I was not happy. Then hubby says to me " crap, I think I forgot to put deodorant on today"

This does not phase me, because on days when he doesn't work he tends to forget such things...SO I open his coat, and sure enough he smells bad.

So here we are driving down the road and he says " so your telling me we are going out shopping and I smell like BO and you smell like cat pee? This should be one fun trip"

I may never leave the house again with him:)

Then on the way home he makes some comment about looking rugged. I say " you no, I really do not like the rugged look"

To which he replied " so you don't like the rugged look, but if I act the other way you tell me I am acting gay".

to which I say "yup"

Then he says " now this is totally off subject, but I want to start making beaded jewelry"





here is our next Hello Hottie..I have not been having much luck keeping you guys happy, and this is discerning to me. I will try harder...

This is Jim Cavisel. The man who played Jesus in the movie Passion of the Christ. He is very, very handsome..Right???????























AMEN!!

Toodles

I need a bucket to vomit in..And I am getting a new mommy

I don't know about you. But this fat broad at way too much yesterday. I ate enough yesterday to sustain a little Etheopian kid for 10 years. I would puke but I just hate to think of all that crap I made wasted:)

When I think about it, I really ate enough to last me till at least January. I hate Thanksgiving. Oh curse you white Angelo man for stealing land from the natives and trying to make up for it by making them sick with food. ( really I have no clue if that is what it all means...Been so damn long since I had a history class, I might of not paid attention that day anyway).

Going shopping today. If I can crawl my newly fat rear end out of bed in time to catch any deals. If not I will go Saturday. I do not do good in crowds. I have no shame, and I am not ashamed to admit it.

Here are some pics of my pies I made. Homed ladies...But the lemon meragnue pie did not turn out so well. I wont be doing that one again.

































and this is something I did not get to do. The little creep says " I am going upstairs to clean." Oh it is so on now ,buddy.
























My dad called last night to inform me that Jennifer had got a gift. He finally proposed to her. They have been dating for 2 and a half years. This was a pleasant surprise, as I have been on him for months and months to do it. She is 27 or 28, I am not sure which. So I am gone have a new mommy who is younger than me. How funny is that?

I told the spawns that grandpa and Jennifer were getting married. Kissing spawn says " huh, I thought they were married, they live together don't they?"

" you no mom, she dont look like a grandma. Like you do!!!!!!!"

Ok this kid is so not getting anything but a barbie and some panty hose for Christmas!!

I will leave you with my "hello hottie for today.
Now you have to go back...To the era of 80,s "hair bands"
I wanted to marry this man too...I had a very long list of perspective husbands...Still do...LOL
"HELLO HOTTIE'
This is Joey Tempest from the band Europe...Think " its the final countdown " this would be about circa 1987...I am getting so hot right now..heehee..But when I look down do his "now"photo, totally loose my mojo with him...Guess its for the best:)





















he just doesn't seem to "have " it anymore ya no?
I wont be knocking down the door I know that for sure...But I can dream about the good ole days.Right????















yup, Joey this is where you lost me...Where is your big curly hair? you tight leather pants and your mic? Your sweet voice trying like hell to sound all bad . Like you were one of then bad ones..You wish.....You were the tamest heavy metal band ever...I and I love yah for it...But if you really feel the need for a groupie today, I may consider it...only if you wear the hair and the pants!!.........IM just sayin!! :-)

Toodles

I am assuming noone will agree here with me either..or maybe never even heard of him...I better start picking more mainstream boys.....gotta start buying people magazine I guess:)