The End of the Innocence

Have you ever had a revelation? I know that whore Oprah calls it an a-ha moment, and I think that sounds retarded and stupid.

i think Oprah not only thinks she is as close to God Himself here on Earth, but I think she is a douche bag...but thats all another post people.



I think revelation sounds more grown up...more astute if you will.



Things have been running through my hallow head the last couple of months, and well, I have pondered many a thing..



Pondering is something I like to do. It tends to make me feel even shitter then I already do. Because when you ponder, your thinking about things that are not happening, or you want to happen or things you wish you could change.



When I ponder its normally because I am stressed to the max and I am needing to change an aspect of something..What?..I never know..



Its just something I try to figure out.

Its almost a feeling of despair...only not..

Now people will say..

you have three beautiful healthy kids, a very nice home, a good man who dresses like a fuddy duddy, but still good, great friends...blah blah freakin blah..

sure, I have those things..BUT...I can still sit around and wallow in my own self pitty. Because not only am I human, but I also no there is more to me then those things. I was me before I had kids, a poorly dressed fella, my own home..all that..

The only thing I know for certain is me. Its the only thing that does not puzzle me...because hell, I programmed it all.

I have known me for almost 33 years now. I know how I work. I know all the ins and outs of me.

And I know im not happy right now and I have so many things on mind that I want to unload in a poopy diaper refinery.

But I cant...because there is no such thing.



I don't know if its the fact this fucking state only has nice weather for 3 weeks out of the year, or that I cant seem to find many sain people here..



Take for instance this woman who lives behind me...She lives BEHIND my house, down about 3 houses. There are not many trees so beyond my backyard is all open space..



This woman, who obviously has never had an a-ha moment, has these cats. I am not sure how many, but enough, lets just leave it at that.



She puts her damn cats on leashes and walks them around. Now this isn't the odd thing, or the thing that pisses me off. I mean its weird to walk your cat on a leash, I don't care what you say...BUT that's not it.



She will take her cats, sometimes a couple at a time and walk them to the her neighbors yard so they can shit or piddle. She will even go on their deck, grab a lawn chair and sit..



She also brings her cats way over to my side, sits her chubby ass on the wall in my backyard and lets her cats frolic in my yard...



I kindly told her two years ago to keep her God forsaken cats out of my yard..



Kindly, I swear to GOD...



yet, she does it.



One day last summer she was sitting on my wall with her f-ing cats in my yard and I decided this would be a good time to let my dog out.



My dog decided one of her cats would make a nice rag doll..



Mind you, my dog is the size of an over weight cat..



I then told her that this was my yard, my property and I had asked her to keep her felines off my property, because frankly I was not sure why she did not let them in her yard. She has a nice yard , even has a chain link fence in the back..



But see, this lady is stupid. Stupid people bother me.



I just saw her moments ago in the neighbors yard sitting on their lawn chair while her cats are doing God knows what in their yard..



This is what I mean, people here in this state are just way to unstable for me taste.



But let me get back to my point...



I was pondering right? I cant recall, damnit, see I get side tracked and forget where I was or what my name is..



Anyway, I'm stressing out a bit.



Ya see, I think the hubs and I are ready for a change. I think he is ready to move on. I don't think he is happy at his current profession.



I think we are both kinda tired of the weather here...tired of everything here..



The school sytem is all fuckered up in this city.



There are more losers, then not.



I feel out numbered by butter-faces and summer-teeth people.



sooo....



We are pondering selling our house and uprooting.



after he finds employment of course...



I think he wants to become a teacher...

this is what he went to college for, has a Bachelor's Degree in Science and Math...yet he is a project engineer whom works in the twin cities...and we do not...so its a drive.



Which would mean a substantial drop in our income, but when I'm done with school, I will be making enough to make up the difference.



I already know I can transfer my hours to another beauty college once I get going..



Its just a big decision to make.



Hence why I am pondering things...



There are a few other things bothering me, but frankly, those are none of your business. And it would make for poor blogging material. Trust me.



Was this another rant? if it was my apologies to you and yours..I'm having a very stressful period right now...



And stress and me are no longer friends.



It effects me in bad ways..



Plus side, one week from today I leave for my concert...



Its the only thing getting me thru right now..otherwise I would be on the roof with a bottle of vodka.

Well im pretty sure Oprah is on..Gotta get my church lesson for the week, God is speaking thru her im sure of it.

.I mean she is sure of it.