Too much time on my hands

I think I have mentioned to you before about the mammoth sized spider I see on my wall or window in my bedroom at night.

The first time I saw it , it was in the middle of the night and I saw it on my curtain and I woke dear ole hubs up to take care of that shit...He turned the light on, and boom he was gone...vanished outta thin air.

Not a trace anywhere.

The second time I saw it on my wall and I sat up, rubbed my eyes and the sonofabitch was gone lickity split.

We both decided it was a figment of my craziness.

I mean the shear size of the thing is proof enough that I'm insane.

The first time I saw him he was the size of a baseball. By the second time I saw him he had grown mammoth proportions and compared to the size of say a human head.

I have been so convinced I see this thing, I have the hubs creeped out. I told him I hate to see the size of the web he has. And its probably under our bed.

So he moved the bed out one day and we looked for a web the size of Rhode Island.

We found nothing.

It has been a week or so since he has made an appearance...until last night.

Now mind you, I'm alone now....Hubs is south of the boarder and wont be back till Friday.

I was laying in bed watching the telly, and I kept looking over there hoping NOT to see it.

A while later I fell asleep and woke up suddenly like I normally do. By the light of the telly I saw the God forsaken bastard on my curtain. I grabbed my blanket and ran to my french doors that lead to my room.

I stood there sweating. I knew this was it, the damn thing was gonna get me now.

I turned the light on, and he was nowhere to be found.

I have a bathroom in my bedroom, so I turned that light on and left the door wide open as for some reason the light makes him go away.

I thought about going downstairs and sleeping on the couch, but my alarm was in there and I was not going to be reaching my hand behind the bed to unplug it, and plus I don't even know how to program it.

So I knew I HAD to stay put, in the room with the spider the size of a small infant.

I grabbed my blanket and slowly walked to my bed, looking at the carpet making sure he wasnt crawling around my feet.

I quickly lay my head and grab the other blanket. I then lay there with the tv on, the bathroom light on and three blankets wrapped around my body as if it were some sort of arachnid shield.

I could barley breath and I was sweating like mad.

At one point my foot popped out and I felt something on my foot. I quickly kicked and moved. Then my dog let out a cry...Because I just crappin kicked the shit outta her not knowing it was her tail rubbing my foot.

Now I am about 98% sure this spider is a figment of my imagination, because he disappears when I wake up fully or rub my eyes.

What I want to know though, is why am I hallucinating about a spider the size of Ohio?

Why cant it be unicorns, fuzzy bunnies or naked men with six pack abs and a good portion of meat and potatoes?

Why oh why is it this?

So far I am the only mortal to see him.

Tonight though, this bitch is camping out on the couch. Today is the last day of school, so I don't need that damn alarm clock.

Today while its light in there, I'm going to discreetly get my shit and haul ass down here.

I hope he doesn't catch wind that I'm moving.

If I see him down here tonight, I will be checking myself into the farthest psychiatric ward I can find.

Its been nice knowing u all..