why dont we get drunk and.....

I thought I would give you a brief run down of the goings on over the weekend, sure I told u it was my moms 50th birthday, but the shanagins that went along with them, are pretty priceless..

Lets see, I have made it clear that after my New Years Eve.....um...flubug, I have sworn off all forms of beer, wine and spirits..ALL forms...period..

As for pale girl, well, she is still a consuming customer and well, not only did she buy her share, she also bought what would have been my share, if I partaked in such foolishness still...

We started out the evening listening to a pretty good band at a local bar and grill. I was all bent out of shape because I had made these plans w/ my mom, and she sort of bailed on us...and this was a source of pissed off-ness for me..

So we listened to this band a while and I wanted to leave...But Pale Girl, on the other hand, was more then ready to make her own party..

I finally talked her into leaving so we could go somewhere else so I could do some karaoke, because well...thats what i do.

We get to the bar thats doing it and my mom and her drunk co-horts are all there. Unbenonst to me, my mother had put a slip up for us two to sing.."why don't we get drunk and screw...by Jimmy Buffet..Needless to say, that is a very awkward duet to sing with your mother...trust me on this..

As the night wore on, Pale Girl was drinking drinks left and right....she was going up to everyone confessing her undying love for them...

She even as went as far as to fill out a job application at said establishment..

I am not even sure if she remembers this or not...And I am just going to let her find out the hard way....by getting called for an interview....that outta teach her.

As my sober ass sat in the bar watching all these drunk people make complete horses asses of themselves, I came to realize, that was me on New Years Eve.....God help me.

My mom was included in this acting of the horse ass...it was not a pretty sight by all means. I never really seen my mom so lit as I did that night...I mean what sober person would think its a good idea to sing "Why don't we get drunk and screw" with your daughter?

On the way home Pale Girl kept telling me I was her soul mate. Said I was her one true love...there are people whom refer to us as...platonic lesbian lovers. because we are with eachother all the time...

She often needs me to peel her tongue out of strange men's mouths...And trust me, it is by no means a fun job....

Kinda like peeling a lion in heat off his woman lioness...only she is the male..she gets very cranky..

But thats my job.

to keep her tongue out of men's mouths she doesn't know..

Sometimes she has beer goggles on, and thinks the toothless chap at the bar is a hottie...And thats when I swoop in, just before she goes in for the kill.

thats how I roll....

She then told me that after we dropped her off at home, she began revisiting all her beverages. I informed her she was just getting her money's worth and she best not bitch about that.

She now claims she isn't drinking anymore, yet she has a whole weeks worth of plans that all include the bar and or tequila sunrises..

her birthday is Thursday, and she is talking about what we are going to do...

I informed her I would be the driver, as I have given up the beer, wine and spirits..

Because unlike her, when I revisited my drinks from New Years, I was not happy about getting my money's worth...

In fact, I don't mind getting ripped off in that fashion...I only need to see and taste said drink once...that is plenty for me..but thanks anyhoo.

So when we go out for her 35th birthday this weekend, I am sure I will be told how I am her soul mate, I am sure I will be fishing her tongue out of the mouths of some horny toothless men..

but you'll have that.

I will just sit there relishing the act I that my diet coke wont be revisiting me the next morning.

Amen and God bless the drunks out there..