Babe

The other whilst laying in bed, I was all cozied up on the hubby. He was snoring and I was half ass listening to the late night circuit as it was their first night back, and well, I am always up for a good train wreck..



I find myself dozing off and I cant be having that..So I open my eyes and look around. On our bedroom curtain I see a bug...A big ass huge bug. A spider...The length of it was about as long as my middle finger and the width looked to be mammoth size.



What struck me as odd is, here in Minnesota we don't get bugs this big..and in the winter of all things....



My first thought was I bet this bastard has a family living in my room...



I wake up the Mr and tell him there is a huge ass bug on the curtain and I would much appreciate it if he would smash it to smithereens.



So he stands up and looks at the curtain...I tell him I can see it and its in the crease of said curtain and I advise him to turn the motherf*cking light on so I can tell if the sonofabitch jumps on my bed.



He turns the light on and I look over at the curtain. Hubby heads over there with a shoe. I tell him that shoe wont be big enough because the girth of this spider is wider then said shoe.



He tells me to be quiet.



He rustles the curtain trying to get it to move so he can smash it.



I tell him not to be so hasty when shaking that as if that bug lands on my bed not only will I be beating the tar out of him, but I will also make him a permanent bed in the shed...



He tosses the shoes at the window and the curtain has a good flow going...its swaying in the breeze like it were a warm summers night...



The mother trucking spider is not there now.



So I am panic stricken...Because that means surly the thing has landed on my bed.



But I know I didn't see it move, as my eyes were fixated on it the whole time. And this bastard was big enough that if it were to move locations , I woulda seen it...



Cause I was wide awake by this time....Worrying its family was about to strike from under the bed.



I keep staring over there at the curtain, waiting for it to move .....wanting to get another glance at such a mammoth Midwestern spider...



Hubby says..



are you sure you saw something?



um, I am not a retard and I know when I see a spider tthhiisss big climbing on my curtain.



how big



tthhhiiisss big



oh your full of crap, u didn't see a dang thing.



hmm...ok, maybe it was a dream.



Turns out there was no mammoth spider of any kind in my room. Turns out my mind was playing a cruel joke on me.



I know I saw that bastard, I know did...



I know my eyes were open when I saw it climbing my curtain...He sorta glanced over at me...we made eye contact..



Now I look like the crazy one...



Yes me.



Not him, the one who refuses to buy a new dryer because there are people in the world who don't get to have clean clothes let alone nice soft dry ones.



That we are helping save the planet by conserving energy.



Mind u for three hours prior to bed he was killing things on his new fancy Xbox360..and has plans for his new sewing machine...



Those kinds in Africa would kill for a sewing machine..



sonofabitch...