All I ever want to get is Slang

I had to have a plumber come over Monday. It seemed we had tree roots growing in our laundry room drain again and fecal matter from the occupants of said home was being nicely distributed on my laundry room floor. So the man came and snaked out my pipes and I paid him 85 bucks.





I was so happy that no more crap would get on my laundry room floor that I signed the bastard's check with hearts when I dotted the I's...





I love you plumber man....I can now safely flush shit down my shitter..amen to you son..





May Gods fruits be blessed upon you in this holiday season.





Lets rejoice now.





~





I have conferences Tuesday with The Boy and Blondie. See they got their report cards Friday. My Blondie faired all A's..she kicks some major Second Grade ass. The Boy on the other hand, well he got a B in spelling, so he sure as shit can spell..





Grounded.





This is how I assume the said meetings will go..





BLONDIE





Teacher: she is a very smart girl





ME:Check





Teacher: She is a very polite girl





ME:Check





Teacher: She likes to read and do math





ME: check





Teacher: She looks like Meg Ryan





Me:check





Me: dont let any boys look at her or speak to her or I will kill u and the boys.





Teacher: Check





THE BOY





Teacher: we need to talk





ME: check





Teacher: He likes to draw





ME: Check





Teacher: He does not turn in his homework and he seems sad





ME: check





Teacher: He sucks at math





ME: no shit





ME: instead of telling me to send him to school early so u can help him with his math, why don't u actually help the little bastard instead of having him staple papers for you...asshat..





Teacher:Check








Here are my happy little tards....they made this fort in the basement...














See, just by looking at them u can tell they are special..







Here is a video of them dancing to Def Leppard....they were madder then wet hens when they could not do Lepps...



so...here it is..

Here is a cute pic of Boo and the babysitter...which is OCG daughter...

anyway, I will be back on Thursday for my last post of the week..cause I am busy and I have shit to do..

Ta Ta

Lady Strange

Well my Friday night Karaoke was a bust. We get there, and there is no karaoke, I was damn near homicidal.

Saturday I went out with a group of friends for a bachlorette party. We went along to nearly every establishments in the city that sells beer ,wine and spirits. By the time we got to the second place, I forgot what town I lived in and my fathers name.

But at our normal spot, they had Honky Tonk Heros. Yes yes, I do not do honky tonk, under normal circumstances..meaning when I am not under the influence of any mind altering shit.

SO it was a DJ and also karaoke. So I was reduced to doing one country tune. Now my friend and I did a duet..We sang 9-5 by Dolly Parton...i know i know..

My solo country debut, I sang the only country song I know.

And I can not even muster up the nerve to type it.

nope..I tried again, and my finger wont allow me to type any of the letter in the song title.

Shit..I am sorry.

~

I am at my wits end with the Berber carpet shit. I rented a carpet cleaner over the weekend. The thing with this type of carpeting is that you will get the stain out, but within 20.5 seconds it re-surfaces....

I got my whole floor clean....and if my dog pisses on it. I.Will.Kill.Her.

withmybarehands.

But, I must admit, right after Mr Shaky rolled it out of here and back to the store, I spilled a whole can of Dt Cherry Coke all over said carpeting.

But I don't mind the smell of cherries.

~
Ok, see if this works..

I found it on youtube...Since I can not type it, nor say it...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3EebObs-vC0&mode=related&search=


good day..I am going to hide under a rock and pray no one I know saw me signing this..or else no one sober did.

motherfucker.
sonofabitch