Smashed bananna's and retards

It is no secret my kids are retarded. I have said it outloud, in writing, and may have even said it in my sleep once or 10 ten times. But as I have been thinking, it has occurred to me that I once, was also a retard. I am guessing all kids are retarded, or maybe its just the ones in my family. I always thought my kids got the retarded gene from Mr Shaky's family. I am gonna go out on a limb and say he gave them 70 percent of their retardation and I gave them 10....The other 20 is a mix of environment and other retards in the neighborhood.

I will share with you some examples. These are things I did as a child. A retarded child mind you. All of these are true. Which is the sad part.

* I once ran over my sister with my dads truck. I was about 8 or so. We were playing in my dads truck and I pulled the emergency brake. The truck started backing out of our driveway, my sister panic ed and jumped out the window. Somehow she landed underneath the truck. The truck ended up in the middle of the street nearly in the old lady's driveway who lived across the street. My sister was pinned under, the tire nearly crushing her leg.

I ran in the house told my mom my sister had been in the truck and did something and now she is under the truck, which was indeed in the middle of the street.

Notice how I told her my sister had done something. I failed to leave out the important part. I pulled the brake.....

* My sister and I would ride our bikes down the neighbors house to pick needles off there soft needle pine shrub. We would pretend they were smokes. How retarded is that? We would pretend we were going the store to get a pack of smokes

* I once talked my sister into stealing a pack our moms smokes, so we could go smoke them in my closet. I was way to chicken so my sister lit one up. As soon as she did I ran downstairs and told our mom that she had stole her smokes and was smoking in my closet. She was 5.

which I find very odd ,we had such a fascination with the smokes...To this day I still can not stand the sight of someone smoking, I think to myself, now there is someone who never grew out of being retarded..At least I did.

ok anyone who smokes don't take offense..I have a weird detest for smoking...So there..

Not to worry, I remind my mother daily she will die of lung cancer. And I also tell her when I die of lung cancer from being exposed to second hand smoke, I hope she is happy..

* In third grade I stabbed a girl with a pencil I just sharpened, she cried, I blamed it on another girl, said the girl crying was lying...The other girl got in trouble.

* I use to sneak out my bedroom window in the summertime..And would make out with my boyfriend on a blanket in the backyard. Once he was at my window and we were just talking, I did a flip on bed and my feet went thru my window causing massive bleeding. I told my mother I was kicking a fly away and my feet went thru the window..After 3 hours in the ER some stitches in my toes and not being able to walk for 4 days....All ended well...No trouble was had.

See there are just a few examples of me being openly retarded.

My son came home from school and says to me..." I may look glum on the outside, but I am filled with glee on the inside"

What the hell does that mean?

My Blondie Bee informed me that she will not be eating for 2 weeks because she has to take a bath tonight. I told her that works for me.

Today I was talking to my mother, Itold her that something or other pissed me off.

A few minutes later Boo says to me "momma you not pissed off, you so happy."

Again, I do have brief lapses of retarded-ness

I am only human.

But I would still stick to my guns on that Mr Shaky had delivered a vast majority of the retardeness.

His mother will be here tomorrow..(Thursday) She will prove over and over to me again how my theory is 100% proven.

She will ask me why I don't unplug my toaster if I am not using it.

She will insist on me locking my doors, even though I am sitting right here.

she will come up in the middle of the night just to make sure the doors ARE locked.

She will pick up toys off my floor, or dirty clothes the kids leave behind. And tell me " she just likes doing stuff like that"

She will ask me about 20 times a day if its ok for my dog to be in the basement. I will her all of these times that yes , it is indeed ok, as that is where her food is.

She will also ask if its ok the dog goes outside..Again, that's where she poos..Please let her out.

so we all start out as retards. But I still think a jail cell in the home is a necessary addition.

So to all the former retards out there...Happy Hump Day.

Bee Real