lets see

EDIT at BOTTOM


Well, I know its been a while..

I am officially going on a blogging vacation until my birthday in May.

I will be in and out of the blog world till than..taking the tots away for Spring Break, registering for school, and doing all sorts of dirty things you will not be interested in at all.

I will tell you later about the shemale I saw doing Meth in the Cashwise parking lot, or the woman I saw wipe out on the treadmill at the gym, or the endless asswipes I encounter on a daily basis..

Or the fact Pale Girl is moving to Kansas in June..

After she leaves, what the hell am I going to blog about?

I am going to have to find a new pale girl..

My son will be 12 on st Patricks Day..I am getting old..he even has a Facebook now, all his little snot nose friends do as well.

Good thing we did not have that kinda shit when I was a kid..

On July 24th I will be attending a Def Leppard concert in Detroit with a girlfriend from High School, we will be near the front, showing our boobies, thats how we roll...Aqua Net, fishnets, and cleavage galore..its going to be a sweet day.

So I will be back May 2nd with pics and updates and a new look I think..so please stayed tuned.

When I have time, i will be dropping by to see everyone..

Things have been really weird here at home, and I have not even been on my blog in over a week.

Ya no, I had 11 baby hamsters to tend to..but I took nine of them back to the store that sold me the knocked up rodent..God top fukin dollar.

U can catch me over at Facebook if u want..I tend to log on there more than anything..

But I will be back and better than ever in May..

Don't forget me, and I wont forget you...

Peace out bitches.

I am officially a pre nursing student...I will be a RN in a few short years...I will be spending my summer taking math and chem classes as well as a nurse aide class..all these things are mandatory for me to get in the nursing program..

I will be a busy little beaver...

but a freakin hot, smart and blood lovin beaver..

PEace OuT!

and on the 10th day

I am not sure where to begin, so lets just skip that part.





Yes, everyone knows I bought my daughter a hamster for her birthday, and yes a week later she drops a load in her cage of what apprear to be grubs..





This was the grubs as newborns..













































This was them at like two or three days old, at this point I was really unaware at how many of these nasty lookin shits there were..



Now today, at ten days old..I am certain..














































there are too fucking many...



Lets see, what else..


I have some topics I am going to be covering in later posts..so stay tuned..


I have been laid up on my back for days, and not in a good way..


curse the common head cold..it really takes this bitch out for a walk.


Peace out..

its a couple girls, and a couple boys

So I took Linda back to the store because she was disabled...she has been gone about a week now..poor laddie couldn't walk to the water.

Than today, it appears as though Annie had a little of puppies, I mean hamsters.

Stupid rodent was rolling around in her ball last nite, not a care in the world..I took her out, let her crawl up my arm and we kissed a little..

no thats not weird.

Than today, I find a tiny,nekkid hamster in the food dish just a squeaking away.

I lift up Annie to find about 6 or 7 more where that one came from..So far they are all alive and doing well.

I called the pet store, because she was obviously knocked up when I got her, because I got her less than two weeks ago, and hamsters are pregnant about 3 weeks.

I remember telling the hubs how fat Annie was, and that she needed to walk around in her ball more.

Damnit..

The store said they would buy them back if I wanted..

SO right now I am sittin on a $100 gold mine..

I just may go into the hamster breedin bidniss.

They can pop babies out every couple weeks and very low maintence kinda delivery, and flexable hours.

hellz yeah!

Mistaken Identity

I need to fix something. I had said that it was Annie who was handicapped, but I was wrong, it was Linda.

Poor Poor sad Linda.

I called the pet store I got Linda and Annie and told them Linda was well, a special needs hamster.

They told me to bring her in..So I did. The woman set Linda in a little box and said she was going to keep an eye on her, but thought she would need to out her down.

So lets have a moment of silence for Linda.

Poor rodent may be running on the big wheel in the sky now..

It is just like me to pick out a hamster with special needs.she woulda had to ride the short bus to hamster school.

So now Annie is an only child, and that girl is always into some sort of trouble.

I put her in her ball when the tots are at school, and she can find trouble a human toddler could never find.

Anyway, our two hamster household has dwiddled down to one..if dwiddled is not a word, I am copyrighting that one too!

Rest in Peace Linda.

When I was at the gym last night, the teens who live at the drug treatment center came in..I have never seen them in there before.

You know you live in a fucked up area when there is a in house drug treatment center for tots ranging in age from 10 -18..

can I get a helz yeah!

I was asked to work there when it first opened, as the woman who use to be my boss was running it, but I declined..Thank God, cause me and those tots would never get along.

The way they were acting at the gym, those fuckers woulda been grounded.

They didn't clean any of the machines they were goofing around on, they were wearing like new years hats, and one didn't even have his shoes tied and tried running on the treadmill next to me, and fell.

I told him he was a dumbass.

A lot of dumbasses live here though, so that is not surprising.

~

I have been thinking about something..

I am either thinking of setting my blog to private, or else stop blogging all together.

Just delete the whole mother f-ing thing..

or changing my address...

Its a big hassle and a big pain I know..

but your big kids now and u can figure out how to change your link..

right?

busting at the seams

So my daughter had her birthday. We had the usual shannagins like cake, rodents and aliens.

You can not go wrong with any of those features.

Blondie named her rodents Linda and Annie. Annie though appears to be handicap, or to be politically correct I will call her handicape-able.

She can not use her back legs much at all. My poor dear daughter tells me she is worried about ole Annie, and that maybe we should take her back to the store.

I told her we can not just toss her aside because she can not walk to her food or her water, she needs to bottle feed that damn hamster like a good momma would.

Seriously though, I am not sure whats wrong with it. I did notice when I brought them home that the smaller one had some hind quarter troubles, but I thought maybe it was my imagination.

Turns out its not.

My daughter is convinced Annie will die soon.

And since Annie bit her, she kinda wants her too.

We will see..if Annie goes to the big wheel in the sky, I will go replace her with a newer version of herself..one whose hind quarters can move.

Don't be needin no special needs hamster.

We went to a place called Space Aliens for her birthday, wanna see some pics?

I thought so.

See what it says? It says Bar from Mars...that made me giggle.

There is my mom and Blondie..

Please don't make a crack about my hair or my spectacles...I had to get new glasses, as I have suffered permanent eye damage and can not wear contacts right now.

Here are Linda and Annie..our special needs one is the smaller one..

lets take a moment of silence and say a prayer that Annie can over come her handicap. I hate to think I need to hold some sort of a benefit dinner for her..ya no to cover costs of a hamster wheel chair or phsycial therapy.

~

~

~

So this concludes our birthday wrap up.

Good day..

I said good day!

Blondes have more fun

I sometimes wonder what I am thinking when i do certain things. Like cut my hair, buy a slutty bra, or have babies.

Sure when you have your first baby, its kind of trial and error. Everything is new and you are just blown away daily by the shit that fills up the diaper..what baby can produce so much fecal matter?

You learn to deal with it..then when they are potty trained you still continue to wipe the ass because they just can not get the hang of it and tend to leave skid marks in their spider-man underoo's.

Then you think its a wise idea to add one more baby to that, because handling toddler fecal matter and infant fecal matter is just something one thinks they can handle all at once.

Almost nine years ago I did just that. I added another baby to the well established one I had already.

When you have one wizzing in the crapper and that can put his own underwear on and feed himself, even though u still have ass wiping to do, you are pretty much free and clear of all things baby.

Yet, most of us go do that silly thing and have relations with no means of sperm control.

My middle baby was not only my biggest one to push forth, but she was also my worst sleeper, had jaundice the worst, and was talking in full sentces by 9 months which means I have been listening to her babble now non stop for many years.

She sure was the fugliest looking baby I had seen up to that point. I had pushed her out so fast her face was bruised.

After 24 hours her troll like appreance turned into something specail.

She morphed overnite into a beauty.

Sure, all moms think their daughters are pretty, trust me I know.

She is not only a knock out in her appreance, she truly has something that makes me want to be a better person..It does not work alot, but the fact she harbors that for me is a good thing.

She wants to be a vet when she grows up, and she wants to live on a farm and grow corn and have cows and horses.

My baby girl has the bluest eyes, and the brightest smile...nothing like her mother.

I think thats what so specail about her, she is nothing like me. And I am greatful for that.

We look alike, but she will grow up to be a much better person that I could ever dream of being.

It makes me proud, yet it also makes me angry.

I look at her and see me when i was nine years old, and she outshines me by 100 miles.

She gets mad at me for yelling at the dog. She loves to do the dishes, but she hates to clean her room.

On the weekend if her and Boo get up early, she will make Boo breakfast all on her own..

I never wanted kids when i was a younger. In fact, other peoples kids drove me nuts..

still do...

Blonde excels in school, has had boys wanting to marry her since pre school, and is a world class althete...i say that because she kicks my ass at all the Wii games, plus she can run circles around a fuckin cheeta.

So here is my girl, who will turn one year older on Super Bowl Sunday..

I am now going to show some older pics of her, just because I can..

Thats her on the ferris wheel at the Mall of America when she was 4.

this is her learning to ride a bike when she was 5.

just chilling in the grass on a hot summer day.

Anyway, my kid is having a birthday and well...I am just telling u..

Wanna know what I got her?

She does not know yet, and these bitches are camping out in my room till the weekend.

cause im a cool mom and shit..

there is Boo posing with them...

a bought a couple of rodants...

thats what cool hip moms do..

So happy birthday to my 9 year old baby girl..

Somewhere there is a pile of manure with her name on it.

(cause she wants to be a farmer and a vet, not because I think she is shitty)

Center of balance

My life is in shrambles. Is that even a word? I don't know, if its not, I am copy writing that bitch.

At least the weather is starting to look up, a little. I thought I saw the sun one day, but that could of been a momentary lapse of reason or some other medical malfunction.

I went and bought a Wii and Wii Fit over the weekend. Like I don't spend enough time doing physical activity. Between the 3 hours a day I spend at the gym, the hours I spend chasing the animals and my 5 year old, and my personal best which is done under lock and key in my nice king size bed, but thats another story..

According to this Wii Fit thing, I am 44 years old, simply because I can not maintain a good center of balance. how do they know I don't suffer from some sort of balance disorder, and them telling me I am 44 just set me off to the roof top. Do they care?

I'm thinking not.

I masted a couple of the activities, like Hoola Hoops..( I have some hot hip action, don't be hatin).

I rather like the bowling. The Hubs and I were playing and I swear to God he puts such force in his throw u swear he is holding a 20 pound ball. I tell him that he needs to take it easy before he pulls something. You are indeed not really holding a ball my dear, so back off before you clock me in the face.

I kicked his ass at tennis, bowling and of course, the hoola hoops. I am that good.

Ok, I have another gym story, I know how you guys love that shit, and I like to deliver. I am a people pleaser.

So I am at the gym, and this really nice looking guy is on the bike.(i dont know why all the crazies are good looking)just come off of my 45 minute run on the treadmill and am heading towards the bikes for a 20 minute ride..

All the good stuff happens at the bike area, I have noticed that.

Anyway, he has a remote and is surfing, and we all know I hate surfing. he lands on one of those religious channels. thats all fine and good, I don't care, I don't watch anyway..

After a while I think I start hearing things from his mouth, but since my Ipod is up kinda loud, I am not sure. So I turn it down a bit so I can listen.

Sure enough, its what I thought I heard..

"hallelujah"..Praise Jesus"

Yup, out loud, in the gym.

Not that there is anything wrong with that, it was just kinda distracting...because the only person who knew he was watching that was me..cause you can not hear it unless you are wearing the ear plugs for the tv..

before too long he is shouting to the Lord Almighty and praising his works..

while biking.

We both got done around the same time, when he was done I walked by him to get the spray to clean off my bike..we meet at the paper towel station.

He says..

" nothing like a good workout with the Lord"

"yup, sure enough,,shalom my friend"

He says..

"right on sexy"

so we go from praising Jesus, to sexual harassment.

And I liked it.

Amen

ice age

This week has been for shit. Am I allowed to say that or will they bleep it out?

Its been a bitter cold week. They delayed school Monday, they cancelled school today. Its 30 below zero right now and with the wind its about 50 below. I know, don't be hatin on me, you could have this too if you really wanted it.

Lets see, what can I complain about today? I am sure I can think of something.

Since my mom moved in, my mood seems to be a tad, well, shitty. I know we had no choice but to let her stay here, not like I could let her live in a van down by the river. Because she does not have a van. And we have no river, just a lake.

She is constantly whistling and eating. We could eat a 12 course meal, that I prepared of course, and ten minutes after we eat, she is digging thru my house looking for more food. She reminds me of some sort of wildebeest out in the savanna, not knowing when its next meal will come, so it eats any meal it finds, hoping it wont be its last, but just in case it is, they will die satisfied.

i have been going to the gym alot because being in my own house is making me want to beat things.

While I was at the gym the other day a fairly nice looking man got on an piece of equipment next to me. He looked to be in his late 40's early 50's..Looked reasonable enough, like a smart fella. Maybe played t-ball and was a boy scout.

There are tv's all over the gym, in front of all the machines, I never grab a remote and ear pieces because I bring my Ipod, and thats all a woman needs. But I do tend to read lips or read the closed captioning of the shows they are watching.

This man was channel surfing, which in itself was annoying. First we were watching something about a horse stud service or something, the stud was paid 150,000 to screw a lady horse..I'm thinking, holy toots.

Then he landed on a channel and left it there.

For brief moment I thought I was being hurled into some violent time warp that sucked me back home..where Idid not want to be.

He was watching the Disney Channel.

Now granted, Hannah Montana and The Suite life of Zach and Cody are good shows, if your between the ages of 5 and 12, but mother of God, I knew right then he must be one of those who rode the short bus..

I kept looking at him, looking at the tv, then looking at him again.

He says.."do u mind if I have this on?"

Me, is he talking me?..Why would I care what this man who is obviously still breastfeeding watches?

I told him watch what he wants, and that I found it funny he watches the same think I thought my 5 year old was watching at this very minute.

This was him..

" great, i love this episode"

what a douche bag.

I tried picturing my dad at a gym, channel surfing..Because the guy looked about my dads age.

I could picture my dad landing on the news, the golf channel, or hell, the playboy channel.

I could tell this was a very sick man. The kind that follows kids around asking them what happen on Drake and Josh last night because he missed it because he had some sort of board meeting that ran late.

I should of asked for his number.

What else?

its cold out...did I say that already?

crap I think I did.

Well, if my car starts I'm just gonna go to the gym right now.

My mom is whistling, my son is playing with army guys and making shooting sounds, my girls are watching a movie and giggling, the dog is barking, oh wait, now mom is in the cupboard I can here bags restling is hungry again...

I'm outta here.

we're not gonna take it

I will make this short and sweet, as to save you time on reading worthless crap.

I am so damn stressed out right now, I cant even think straight. I have been spending more time then I should at the gym, just to get out of this house before there is bloodshed of any kind.

My 5 year old never stops talking, even in the bathroom she talks when she is sleeping she talks.. it never ends, My nearly 12 year doesn't stop fixing his hair and sassing me, my almost 9 year old wont stop being cute, my mother wont stop eating, and my hubs wont put the dishes away.

My dog wont stop barking to go outside, she likes to play in the snow, my cat wont stay off my pillow at night.

Its everyone in this damn house. They are all killing me slowly.

I know when its my time to go its my time to go...so I am prepared.

The year that was suppose to put me first for once, is turning into being the fucking opposite.

And its wearing on whats left of my nerves. Every year I am shoved to the side, because I make sure everyone else is ok and taken care of..I take care of people who don't even live in my house for Gods sake.

I give up...

And I just don't feel close to any of my friends anymore. Hell I don't even call them anymore, or have the need/want to.



Most of my friends only want to talk about themselves, and never ask about whats going on with me...and I never tell them, cause they never ask. Its all about them.

I am drained.

Over the years this has wore me down.

This is me..I am wore down.

Thats all I got.

the living years

Last night I had the tv on, because I am not of Amish decent and I do require an electronic feed at all times, it keeps my heart in rhythm.

There was a movie on HBO that I have seen, and I hate it. I hate it because it makes me sad, depressed and hypertensive..(that means gives me high blood pressure for u non Internet medical degree holders), yet I watched it anyway, knowing full well what was going to happen to me.

Not only did I have the shittiest dreams, but now I have all sorts of things I think I need to do before the big day gets here.

What big day am I referring to you ask?..

My demise.

Yes folks, I need to stop watching the damn movie The Bucket List before I end up doing random acts of kindness to strangers or heck, adopt an orphan.

It does get me thinking of shit I would like to accomplish or do before that tragic day shall arise.

I was thinking maybe I should try and do some more traveling, something more scenic then a trip to Michigan or New Mexico...

I am thinking somewhere like Ethiopia, and maybe kill two birds with one stone and bring home a car full of tots that need some oatmeal and a kool aide juice box.

I would also like to attend a black tie affair..Never in my life have I even been invited to such an event. I want to go and show up with a red tie..

I would like to have enough money to purchase a helicopter..I don't know where i would store such a mode of transportation, but I just think it would be nice to say I had one.

I would like to set up arranged marriages for my tots, so they don't end up with losers I need to put a hit out on. I see nothing wrong with an arranged marriage, look how well it works out for all those cults in Utah. They all seem on the up and up.

I don't want to do anything boring like jump out of planes or see the great wall of china..I want to do bigger and better things.

Like own a copter, cause whats cooler then that?

Anyway. enough of that...

I forgot to give you the horrid facts last post, so i will give u a double dose today, cause I like to play fair and nice.

*Cockroaches can make themselves super-slim and can flatten their bodies to a size just a little thicker than a piece of paper to crawl into cracks.

*An American Delicacy called Headcheese is made by cooking a whole cow or pig head into a mush and letting it coll down into a jelly like state.

*A smelly fart contains the same gas as found in rotten eggs

*when you sneeze,all your body functions stop-even your heart stops beating. A very long sneezing fit and cause a heart attack.

There you go...

enjoy...happy sneezing.

Love Bizzare

So the new year is off with a deafening bang, wouldn't y'all say? Yes, yes I sure would. That ringing in your ears, that's not a remnant of your drunken stooper from new Years eve, thats the new year trying to get into the depths of your conscience. Is it working?

So far this year I have managed to not break any resolutions, because i am just that good. I have went to the gym nearly everyday and have managed to not do any bodily harm to anyone..yet.

Don't get me wrong I know its only like day 4, but this is big stuff here.

Let me ask you smart, educated humans a question..Is it wrong I wont let my tots go out and play when its 4 below zero? I see the neighbor kids out, even sledding down OUR hill, and yet I wont let my own heathens out of doors unless its at least 20 degrees. Now when I was a kid, the cold never bothered me as it does not my tots..BUT Michigan winters are much warmer then a hearty Minnesota winter.

When the air temperature is anything below zero, why do u let tots outside? Do you want their poor defenseless bodies to end up in a frozen tundra or a frost bitten mess?

Nancy Grace would have a field day with that shit right there.

And while my kids are at school they are forced to go out for recess unless the air temp is 20 below...Holy toots know.

I have my own written rule for my kids at the school..If its so cold the mucus freezes in my eye while I am out getting the mail, my tots stay indoors for recess and do things like read, scrub toilets or grade papers.

I just don't see the point in it..going out doors when its that cold. Frankly I don't understand how people in Alaska function. One of my daughters friends just moved there this summer, and during the day, not only is there no sunshine hardly, but the high temps are around 35 below zero.

To that I say?

WTF?

How do u function? Is work AND school cancelled for everyone? One day it was 56 below zero there, sure it got that cold here about 2 years ago, and they did not shut anything down but my good mood. Here I think its bad when its 20 below, I just am not sure I can handle it any colder then that, cause well, I am a wuss.

I got my hair highlighted yesterday...just thought I would let u know.

What else?..

Oh, yes...the hubs is having another one of his "episodes"..they come and go and I never mention anything about them, cause well, not like you really care..But each time they come back they are worse..

Now its effecting his speech, his facial muscles, and he says he feels like he sometimes has needles in his ass..

I'm just sayin..



I took him to the doctor the other day and they are sending him out again, it didn't do much good last time, so who knows.

Where the hell is Dr.House when u need him? Sometimes a good jackass comes in handy.

I'm just sayin.

New Sensation

So, I thought I would wake up today and feel something...besides a hangover, but I feel nothing..not even a hangover.

I was glad to see 2008 leave, as I feel as though it was a very bad year. Not in the sense that I lost any loved ones, or hell that I lost anything, but shit loads of money, but thats neither here nor there..

I just wanted to wake up and feel something. For the last several weeks I thought for sure that 2009 would be my year, I could just feel it.

Alas, I feel nothing.

I know you have to make your own luck and your own happiness, yes yes, I know that. I was just hoping for something to fall out of the sky, land on my face, lick me, and call me George.

So far, it has been a quiet start to the new year.

I do however want to make some changes this year...and sure I will indulge you with some of them, because that's how I roll.

* First up, I want to change my attitude as I tend to have a shitty one, and I know this. But really how do you change something you were born with. And God wants me to be a bitch, and I don't know why.

*Next, I want to make more time for myself..I do not want to do things just to please others..I will no longer take "vacations" to my homeland, because frankly, its like a waste of a vacation. No one else takes a vacation here, so why do I need to go there?..I don't..My kids will go on a real vacation this year..damnit.

although I am going in June for my class reunion, my 16th year reunion, don't ask..But if it was not for that event, we would not be going at all.

*I want to hit the gym at least 4 days a week...maybe 8 days a week..I don't know, we will see how tired I get.

* I would love this year to get a boob job, a nose job and lipo on my ankles..

I don't foresee me succeeding at any of this..So that right there lets you all know I have a bleak start.

~

Lets talk about Christmas shall we?...One good thing did transpire, my FIL did not come..I did not ask why, because frankly we were both so relieved that we did not care..

Lets see, what else..

Oh I did get my very own karaoke machine..yes yes...I did..

I will just shower you with a couple shots..

See. I did not drag the fuckin tree out to the road like I wanted..but when I set it back up after its fall, I just threw all the crap on it, at this point I was so not in a holiday mood I coulda gave a crap less..and it shows.

The mess afterward...and we all know this bitch has messes.

We will fast forward to New Years, because truthfully, there is not much to report on from xmas day till now..

Other then my hubs has been home since Xmas Eve, and it makes me wonder how when we both hit retirement age, how i will not kill him when we are forced to be together all day everyday..

I'm just sayin..

Anyway, on to New Years..I had a small gathering at my dwelling with a couple close pals and my lovely personality.

My boy and my boo..

My boy and my Blondie

Pale Girl with my girl tots and my mother on her lap...

We broke out the DDR and here is Hubs doin his best to get some sort of grove on, my mother is on the couch watching..

See. who says white boys cant dance?...see me, I am planted firmly on the couch with my friend barb..right where we should be...we are not making asses of ourselves.

There is my Boo and Pale Girls man and his big ass dog..

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Look all my babies are tuckered out..wussies.

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The night was pretty dull, I really did no drinking, was in a bad mood and was super tired..One thing that did happen though, when hubs and I went up to bed, my son came running up asking if we were moving furniture.

And NO we were not naked and doing anything X rated...

The boy said he heard some loud noises so he went down to check it out..

When the hubs got downstairs he looked out our side window and there was a man in our yard walking away from the door and our garage door was open.

So of course this bitch could not sleep after that because holy shit, a level 3 sex offender just moved to town and I was sure it musta been him wanting to get his rapist hands on me because he musta seen me outside or somewhere and thought maybe he needed to tap that.

But I do know, because I do have inside info at the jail, that he is under constant supervision and is living at the jail and is only let out 4 hours a day and that is to find a job, and if this fucker gets a job before I do, holy shit I will foam at the mouth.

But a level 3 sex offender is someone who they are sure will strike again and this is why they keep a watchful eye on them.

I have heard he is not a pedophile, but rather he likes to rape women..

Now try and go to sleep after a strange man is in your yard and there is a sex offender on the loose..

Sweet Dreams assholes..

Oh and my finger..

I sliced it open on a piece of glass from a picture frame..sliced the bitch wide open and even sliced thru my digital nerve so now I have no feeling in that finger.

I had three stitches put in, they are out now and all is well..

This is a special bonus we will be doing from here on out...Blondie got this book for Xmas, its called 1001 horrid but true facts, and I thought for shits and giggles I would post two facts per post..

it will take us years to get thru it, but hell, all I have is time.

*the stomach acid in your stomach is so strong it can dissolve razor blades, but its still not a good idea to eat them.

*A beef tapeworm,caught from eating eggs in infected beef, can grow to 39 feet long in the human gut.

enjoy!

Ho-HO-ho

edit at bottom..

Well this time of year is upon us once again. Not only is it colder than witches tits and brass monkey balls or whatever I have heard flying around the playground, but its also the Holiday Season.

Nope, can't call it...Christmas.....

I'm just saying, you cant, or you will die or have flames shoot out your ass or whatever.

Every year at this time I swear the next year I will be a fully converted Jew. And I am even too lazy to do that.

Don't get me wrong, I want to celebrate the birth of the Savior as much as the next Non Jew guy, but alas, I hate everything that the HOLIDAY stands for anymore.

I hate the trees, I hate the shopping, I hate the wrapping, I hate the chaos it causes in my house and most of all I hate that the FIL feels the need to invite himself over at this time of year.

And well, I will leave it at that.

But he is coming after Christmas. Although he said that if the gas prices went up or if the weather was bad, he may not come.

So just for a couple days, I am hoping gas goes to about 20 bucks a gallon, so fill up now...

We are getting a snow storm this weekend, but I am sure the mess will be cleared enough by next week..unless the county road crews go on strike or something..I will rule nothing out.

I did finally put the tree back up, although I nearly had the bitched cleared out to the road after it fell over and all my good stuff was broken into a million pieces.

I thought the falling of the tree was a sign I should convert to the Jew life..

The hubs told me it was a sign we need to keep the cat outta the tree.

Whatever.

My baby Boo went got her ears pierced today. She wanted pink diamonds. Real ones.

Thats what she said.

She looks so cute with her pink diamonds.

The other day Boo and Blondie broke the wishbone from the turkey, I forgot all about it so it has been sitting in the window sill for almost a month now.

Before the girls broke it, I told them each to make a wish and I explained to Boo that if she got the bigger half her wish would come true..

gotta give the kids false hope sometimes, its the parental thing to do

So the girls made wishes and they broke it.

Boo got the bigger half, she was all smiles...

I asked her what she wished for, because you wonder what goes thru a 5 year olds head when wishes are concerned.

She told me this..

"you will see"

Like she thought it would appear from the sky at any moment.

I told her she better tell me so in case it comes and she is not here, I know what I am looking for.

She then informed me she wished for a unicorn.

So I have been watching the UPS guy every time he comes by, looking to see if he is packing a one horned mythical creature in the back of his truck.

So far, nothing..and the UPS man is hottest guy in town, I mean no one should look that good in brown pants and a big square truck, but honestly he is a beautiful man...like he belongs on a calender in his underwear kinda hottness. He has the best arms, the nicest legs..

Ok enough about that..but I would love to see him under my tree with a Santa hat.

Nothing but a Santa hat.

I'm just sayin.

I hope everyone has all their ducks in order for the holiday..

Nothing like waiting until the last minute. I know some people work well under pressure, and I am not one of them...well I am, but I do not like it.

Anyway, this will be my last post until the new year, unless something happens and I just have to tell you.

But I highly doubt it.

So I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanuka..or whatever you celebrate.

Cuddle with the kids, snuggle with a bottle of your favorite liquor and get nasty with the Santa in your house, and if you are the Santa...go you!

Hope Santa is good to all of you..I am sure u have all been good boys and girls.

Love to all and..

Ho HO Ho. And Happy New Year

**..turns out i nearly severed my middle digit over the weekend...

wanna see?

i thought so u sick perv..

i have some stitches and a sore arm cause i had to get a damn tetnus shot as well.

so with that...have a darn good holiday.

cold hearted snake

Over the last couple days it has been colder than a witches tit, whatever the hell that means.



Yesterday it was no warmer then negative 10, and now today it has warmed up to -7..I do not even look at the wind chill factor, because frankly when its that cold with no wind, it really does not matter much after that.



The schools were delayed two hours yesterday, why I am unsure because we did not get much snow..anyway, I knew I had to drive The Boy over to the Middle School as I knew I may get a call from Child Protective Services if they saw his ass walking in the 13 below zero streets. So in turn I knew I was going to have to drop Blondie off at the bus stop because unlike years past, the bus does not pick her up at the house anymore and now she must walk a few blocks and around the bend.



Anyhoo, I go out to warm up my car, because no one wants to sit in a car when its 100 below zero without at least cold heat blowing at your feet.



I go outside to start it, and ALL the doors on my car are frozen shut..SHIT.



I go try Hubs car, ALL his are frozen shut as well..so Now I need to think fast or these hoodlums are here all day..



To make a long story short, the hoodlums were here all day.



When I caleld the schools to let them know the tots were not coming, well they got a good giggle as to why..I then had to let them now I thought it was sort of assnine to delay it two hours because it sure as hell was not any warmer at 10am then it was at 8am, and when it is that cold, u should not even think a parent would allow a tot to even stand at the bus stop for one minute.



So yesterday was a long day...



But I made damn sure my doors opened today.



I was not taking any chances on them being here two days.



Here is a video I made last week..its Blondie being interviewed by her brother.



And the Hannah sheis talking about is her freind who use to live across the street that moved to Alaska..



I know..cold..

Today is a good day to wear a double layer of dungaree's...

a little ditty, bout jack and diane

I don't really have much to blog about right now..

Sure I have gym stories, sure I have tot stories...

But guess what..I have a video..

A video outweighs a good story any day..

I have a feeling I will be failing a test soon..

I know..random..

Here is the video..

Oh and my dog knocked down my tree and I do not want to put it back up but everyone else is making me..

Ok, here is the video, I swear to God..

pink houses

I am officially tired of winter. And it has not even started yet.

Just thought I would let you know..

Remember when I was telling you about that tree of mine that still had leaves, well, it still has leaves...

I went to the gym yesterday. I was on some machine that is like an elliptical, but it is not..

anyway, I was going along and I wanted to adjust the resistance, because it was not high enough for me, and as I took my hand off the handle things, I nearly fell right off, right onto the cold dark floor.

Oh the humility.

Then after I was done, a man got on the same one, and it appears he was adjusting something too, but he was more unfortunate then I, because he actually lost his footing, I am sure I heard him say the F word..

Normally when I head to the gym I wear a pair of shorts under my sweats and take the sweats off when I arrive. For some reason yesterday I did not wear shorts under the dungaree's. And I forgot that.

It could have been arrested for indecent exposure... but I wasn't..I caught myself just in time.

That would of been bad, very very bad.

I mean hell, I have left the tanning salon room before without my shirt on..Its nothing new for me to forget to put clothing on.

And its not like I enjoy being nekkid, cause I do not. Well I do not mind if am showering or bathing, or doing naughty things with a certain hubs, but that is about it.

Even when I birthed out my kids I insisted all three times I keep my shirt on. No one likes their boobies hanging all out, and those gowns just are not a made for good boob coverage.

trust me on this. I mean if you are have barely there boobies, then you are ok, but anything more then a full c cup and you have boobage hanging out the sides of those bastards. Right where your arm should be.

But back to my story, I nearly whipped off my trousers in front of God and everyone.

People do not use the terms trousers or dungaree's enough.

Lets start doing that, shall we?

wow Suzie, those trousers make your bottom look so hot..

damn Martha, your dungaree's really make that booty of yours pop.

See, it kinda rolls right off the tongue.

Or you can try it this way..

damn Wayne, is that a cucumber in your dungaree's or are you just happy to see me?

It works both ways.

Give it a try today, you will be pleasantly surprised, I am sure of it. People will think you have class and charisma.

I'm just sayin.

What I am is what I am...

So we did the Christian thing over the weekend and placed a live tree in the confines of my dwelling. I have big time issues with the whole tree in my house thing. its not that I hate Christmas trees per-say, its just I think cutting down a live tree to place lights and ornaments on it, is like murdering a good tree..



Ok, who I am kidding, I don't really give a shit about that, its the mess I don't like. The needles, the boxes you have to bring down from the attic, the chaos, the mess, the broken light strands, the ornament hooks falling on the ground for an unsuspecting foot to step on which in turn will cause a trip to the ER and a good tetanus shot.



I just can not handle my house in disarray. It makes me crabby and causes me to have bloating and bad gas.



The whole tree thing is just a puzzle to me to begin with. I just do not see the fascination with putting a tree, living or plastic, inyour home. I swear when my kids move out, I will not be putting a tree up anymore..My baby boo thinks Santa won't come if the tree is not in place.



That damn Santa anyway..Who needs him?



I sure as hell do not need him. He gets all the credit for all the good shit I buy for those tots.



Although my 6th grader knows that Santa is going through an economic crisis, the other two do not realize this.



It is going to be hard to explain to the tots why Santa only left them a pack of gum, tic tacs, and some underwear.



But hell, those things always come in handy. You can never have too much underwear..



And why do people call it a "pair" of underwear, when clearly, all underwear is worn in the singular form, unless you have some rare birth defect and have been afflicted with two asses..and then I apologize.



Here is the tree.























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Notice my baby girl...She is wearing jeans, and fashionable sweater with a nice dress overlay. She loves to dress herself.






I have been told about this job. To be a reporter for our local paper. Someone is suppose to get a hold me me this week. I am unsure I want to do this, yet I think it may be very entertaining, and this bitch loves to be entertained.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy

Well, my gym experience is turning out to be a great thing..Not only do the down Syndrome dudes think I am hot, the one young guy thinks I have great muscular legs and the one guy that drools on the treadmill is always winking at me.

I don't know what home those guys live at, but I make sure I am there whenever their van pulls in.

We middle aged women need an ego boost where ever we can find it.


My son came home from school today at 3:30. Which was odd because he normally does not come home until like 5:30 or so, because he stays after school everyday for some study group thing....

So he comes hobbling in my door wearing a nice shiny pair of crutches.

I think to myself..

self, what the hell is your kid doing with crutches and what disabled kid did he beat up to get those?..I am not gonna wanna take THAT phone call.

I guess he fell in gym class and skinned up his knee or something and the Jr High school nurse felt it warranted a good crutch.

But I wonder why they do not call the parent of said child to warn them they are coming home with crutches, so we do not think they beat up a disabled guy on the way home.

Not that my kid has ever beat up anyone before, but I mean ya never know...I do not know what he does between here and the school grounds.

He may live a double life...

But I guess...he...does...not.

I want to to talk to you people about this show I watch. this show is something else.

Its called..

The Drs

It is a talk show format with a couple of doctors on there...

One is a gyno, one is a pediatrician, one is a plastic surgeon and the other one, I refer to him as the Head Douche bag.

This show is like a train wreck and I can not stop watching it.

I do not know what it is about douche bags, but I am drawn to them like flies on a dung ball.

I feel as though I have a galloping case of the stupids when I am done watching it.

another show that makes me have the willy's is that show with the couple with 18 kids.

Holy shit, what cult is that called?

Oh yeah, the douche bag cult...they are the leaders.

I was watching it one day and their oldest son, whom is 20 or something like that, got engaged to this girl he barley knows..

They have never kissed and the have to go on chaperoned dates and had to ask to make sure it was ok they could hold hands.

Now, there is no way I would marry anyone without well...knowing what I am buying.

If ya know what I mean..

I'm just sayin...

How can u form a bond with anyone if u are saving your first kiss for your wedding day?

If you don't kiss or snuggle or at least get to second base, your nothing more then that girls gay friend.

I just find it bizarre.

Maybe I watch to much tv at night.

Yes, I am sure that's what it is...

back in black

As you can see, I had a face lift. I was tired of being flip flop momma. I needed a change. Change can be good.

I will now be referred to as Rocker Mom...get use to it...got it?

Moving right along..

I went to the gym tonight and rode 8 miles on the bike and did 15 minutes on the elliptical machine...those machines are sorta like being buried alive, or what I assume it must feel like.

it was hell. That was first time I have ever really been on one. I normally run 4 miles a day on my treadmill, so this was quite the workout, let me tell you.

I was hoping for cardiac arrest in the middle of it so I had an excuse to stop. But no, my ticker kept right on ticking in a normal rhythm. Curse my good strong heart.

I did get a free tshirt because my access card wont let me in the building like it should.

Go Me.

I was there about 2 hours, I tanned for 15 minutes and tried killing myself the remaining time.

While I was on the elliptical machine, this really cute man with Down Syndrome was biking next to me..he was there with his posse'. Or what I assume to be a posse'.

When he was done he walked over to me and told me I was pretty, even though my hair was sweaty.

And another guy, he did not have a posse, told me I had nice legs.

and I do, i really really do....they are all tone and full of buttocks kicking muscle..I don't mean to gloat, but yeah, its all true.

I think I will go every time I need a self esteem booster..

If the guy with Down Syndrome thinks I am pretty and the young guy..(who was very cute) thinks my legs are hot, why wouldn't I go back?

Maybe they have these guys planted in there, to keep us middle aged women who need a boost in our ego's coming back.

I will tell you what...

It worked.