Thursday, November 30, 2006

20th century boy

I have a few things pissing me off . First up I think I left Pat back in the homeland..He/she is missing. I thought I had him/her in one of my bags, and lo and behold she/he aint there. I think IT may be in the back of my new mommys car, but crap they are in Vegas doin it like rabbits so I have to wait till they get home to ask her to check. I cant run without my Ipod. I try turning on my Itunes and blaring it from the PC, but it just don't cut it....I hate u PAt and Applesucksasses, but damn I miss him/her.

I bought a new bag of dog food. I buy the kind for the small chicken size dogs, cuz hell, my dog is about the size of a rat...My one cat is bigger then she is...Anyway, why do they have to make cat and dog food for special breeds and sizes? The way I see it, my dog is gonna eat what she wants. If she were say a wolf, and out in Gods country, she would not look at a dead deer and say shit, I cant eat that, I just way to small to chew that...

And what's with the Indoor cat food formula? My two cats are indoor cats, but why do they need special indoor formula? Lets say they got outside, and lets say they found a mouse..Would they say hey wait, my kibble don't normally run..I need my indoor cat formula..I think not. Why do the dog and cat food makers think we are retards? I will tell you why...cuz we buy the shit and they are sitting in their offices laughing their as$es off at us.

My dog refuses to eat said dogfood. All she will eat is cat food. So I am no longer going to buy Dogchow for small breed dogs, instead I am buying Purina indoor cat formula for the mixed gender pussy cats....There has to be a brand for dog that thinks she a cat...

Its a site to behold, my two cats and one dog/cat sharing a bowl of kibble.

Another thing that is pissing me off. Its cold out. Tuesday it was 60 degrees and I wake up Wednesday and its 11 degrees. How does that happen? It did not get above 20 degrees yesterday. That is wrong..All wrong.

My Boo has decided she will only eat spaghetti and pancakes. I suspect she will die of starvation sometime around next Tuesday.

Blondie comes home and insist on trying some new foods. She wants me to make broccoli and stuffing with our dinner. Normally I make these items and she pretends to vomit in her mouth.

Oh Blondie wants to join wreslting...Who encourages kids to beat the shit out of eachother? And why does she insist on wanting to do so? Is it odd for first graders, and GIRL first graders to participate in wrestling?..I mean have U seen my blondie? She is a bean pole with the face of a blonde haired demon. She would so kick some major ass.

Butch tells her its way to dangerous to wrestle. Now I am not sure if he is worried about her well being, or his. Cause that girl can already open a can of whoop ass on that boy..

I need to think about all this...No one in my house is right in the head. They are all crazy..Every last one of them.

I hope Santa brings me a years supply of sleeping and anxiety pills along with a coupon for liposutction.

Bee Real

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


So while I was off preparing for a wedding, eating out nightly, and basking in the glow of the kids staying at Mr shakys moms house for a few nights..My laundry room here at home got flooded. My mother did a load of wash and holy shit, all the water ended up on my floor. If u will recall , this very time last year it happened, only it extended out into the parts with carpeting, like the spare room, the living room..blah, blah, blah..We had to have some professionals come in to clean, and call the insurance company...It was not pretty......

And both times it was due to over grown tree roots in the line. NOTE TO SELF..Every Halloween get the pipes snaked out or u have to replace shit...And replacing shit aint no fun.

I also forgot to mention that my sister...the one who has had social services called on her, the one who cant clean a house, the one who locks her kid in his room and gives her son adult doses of Aderal and ritlin, had another baby..YEE HAW..That makes three poor lil buggers who will have the shittyiest life possible..GO BOSSY'S SISTER.

Her creepy as$ hubby had a vastectomy, but she is hoping it did not take cuz she says it is stupid to have an odd number of kids. Holy shit, am I odd for knowing when to stop? Am I odd for knowing that raising three kids is too much damn work? People who plop out 3,4 and 5 kids are stupid. Who needs that many damn kids?..Tell me please!..Unless u can afford them, which means no welfare or that WIC program, don't have any more kids, cuz shit, I hate paying for my own kids, and don't really wanna support yours....IM just sayin.

Now I know people are on WIC, and that's cool...I know some people need extra help, but when u KNOW u cant afford it, and keep having kids..That pisses bossy off.

Anyway, now that I have offend everyone...On to more pics..

I saw this somewhere in the middle of no where. I told Mr Shaky to make a U-ie so I could take a pic of this..Its totally worth the back track..

If u cant read the sign, it says " Worlds largest Soup Kettle"

Now I could fit a lot of Broccoli and Cheese soup in dat ole kettle there....

Ok, now this is a big bear or something I saw...

No need to adjust your sets, its not a real bear....Rather a huge wood one....And this is right across the street from it..

It appears to be a rather large man with an axe...A VERY large man indeed.

Here are some of us in the van on the drive..This is Mr Shaky pretending not to notice that I am photographing him driving..

This is Boo...Anytime she sees the camera, she says cheese..So I thought "what the hell"

Here is me.........I am thinking about dropping off one of them with that very large man..

And this is me trying to show u how packed my van was...But as I see now, it really aint that good of a shot...Oh well, it would of been embarrassing anyway.

This is the sign I was waiting 16 hours to see..

This is a sign just before we have to drive thru the tunnel in the city...

I had wondered if Boo farting thru her mouth qualified as hazardous material.

This is just a pic of home sweet home.....I aint leavin home again...Unless I am chasing an aging rock band, going on vacation with no kids, going to pick up money that someone has given me, or to audtion for American Idol, and I am too old to do that, so chances are I wont be doing that.

And this concludes our test of " bossy leaving home"


Oh by weeks end I may have a full time job.....Wont that be sweet?...That is full 8 hours daily that I don't need to see a child that I birthed.


You dont realize how much u need time away from them until u go on a road trip with them. I swear to God and all his cohorts that everytime we took Boo into a place to piddle or poo she had to announce to eveyrone within ear shot what she was doing..

" i gotta go pee-pee"


" i gotta poop"

and I would take the three of us gals into the bathroom and when I peed, Boo would tell me " good job momma" your doing it."

I need that kind of encourgament on a daily basis.

Bee Real

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

white wedding part two

Ok, I got some with me now...holy shit how fat do I look? Holy shit, I am offcailly never eating again....I was PMSing, but holy shit..

Ok I cant look anymore, I am puking in my mouth...I cant belive how fat I am. Why didnt someone tell me to lose some weight for this?....I need to start running 10 miles a day cuz 6 just aint cutting it....Good God...somome shoot me...holy shit.

ok for the kids scroll down, they aint fat....holy shit.....ok, this has made me realize I need to go on an all air diet...holy shit..i cant stop saying it...holy freaking shit.

White wedding

So I am home now...On the way home I learned a few things..

* Kids have to pee when there are no places to pee
* Parts of Upper Michigan and Wisconsin have no people..Just forest and bears.
* Boo thinks when she burps that she is farting out her mouth.

You know your in the middle of no where when u pull to a gas station to buy a map, and they tell you they don't sell maps but u can look at theirs for free.

Ok here are some pics...

This is my dad and Jennifer at the rehearsal dinner.

This is Blonide and Jennifer before the wedding..

Here is Boo Being her farting from her mouth self

Here is Blondie and her daddy dancing.

Here is Butch and daddy drinking from the masses...H2O of course.

Here are my two blonde kids......My toe heads....My light haired retards..

Here is Blondie taking a rest from being so cute...

Here is the 3 of them cutting a rug.........I tell you Butch was on fire all damn night...smokin hot fire ...A dancing Queen I dare say..

Blonde sleeping...Her duties had made her a bit spent..

My dad and Jennifer making the rounds....Before they start drinking.

I don't have any with me..As I took the pics..I have to wait for Jennifer to send me some...Course they are on their honeymoon so they are prolly doin it like rabbits..

I will have a post under this one of some more pics of crap I saw on the way home that amused me.....Look for that later on....I need to shower now....

I smell really bad

Bee Real

Monday, November 27, 2006

Land of no return

I want to be home. I am not yet. This pisses me off. I hate leaving my home. Does this make me a hermit? Don't really care I suppose. I will be in the land of lakes and human eating pelicans before I know it. Yah me.

The wedding was very nice. I will post pictures when I get home...I like home.

At the reception my son, Butch, (remember him) cut a rug. I swear to God that this boy danced all night. He was the hit of the drunken ball. Then after his momma had 5 or 10 drinks, she joined him. He sat out the slow songs and some country ones. Other then that he was a non stop dancing machine. When we left around midnight, he informed me that this had been the best night of his whole life.

So a plus for rock and roll music, and a loud DJ, and drunk jack hammers dancing...including me of course......

My Boo has been a pistol the whole trip. She rather enjoys annoucning to God and everyone who will listen when she farts. Rather it be at home, at a restraunt, or a wedding ceremony.

Momma , I farted...dats gwoss

yes baby, that is gwoss....Stop emabarrsing me...

Blondie was a perfect flower girl. Nearly everyone told me how beautiful she was. And that all my kids could be in the pictures. What the hell does that mean?

I think I caught a few drunk dudes looking at my cleavage at the party. My cleavage was rather glittery and perky that night, so its ok.

Well I will post pics when I get home. Hope you all had a good holiday.

Now Boo is not only informing me she farted, but that she cant see her hand in the dark.

Bee Real

Friday, November 17, 2006

Dust in the wind......

Well I gave Boo a penguin. I knew I had some stuffed ones here in the hive. I even found a Christmas one. I walk up to her and told her I finally got her penguin. She was happy. I take it out from behind my back and give it to her. She looks at it briefly and then does this to it.

Yup, tosses it under the table. She then informs me this indeed is not the penguin she wanted. She wanted a baby, not a toy.

She drives a hard bargain. Gosh my floor looks dusty...Crap, I wish I had not seen that up close..Gee wizzers.

Now she keeps insisting I call her Minnie. I was calling her poopy pants, just to tick her off. And she would scream that her name is not poopy pants, its Minnie.

I told her I had not known her name was Minnie, as I thought it was Boo. But my memory is shotty from all the drugs I did in the 60's so I believed her.

those of you trying to do the math, in the 60's I woulda been about -10 years old.
We are getting ready to head out for our trip to the homeland. I am suspecting at least 2 kids will be severly beaten or limping by the time we get there. And in even worse shape on the way home. I figure it will give Butch another reason to tell all his friends why his mom hates him.

If he is going to hate me for teaching him things that are useful such as not talking to strangers, not doing any under age drinking, not to shave before you actually have stubble on your face, or don't take candy from babies. He might as well hate me for things such as, but not limited too

making him kick puppies
make him sell shit door to door
Beating the crap out of him on a 16 hour drive cross the Midwest
Let him only take one potty break per 100 miles

That will give him more ammunition for telling people how I hate him.

don't tell them I make u go to Sunday school and church every week. Don't tell them I make you do your homework. Don't tell them I make you wear clean clothes and shower on a bi-weekly basis. Don't tell them I make you cut your hair. Don't tell them I wont let you eat candy for supper. Don't tell them I wont let you ride a bike with no helmet on. Don't tell them I pack your lunch for you daily, cuz otherwise u would go hungry, because holy shit, you don't eat normal food. Don't tell them how I have let you go nearly 10 years on a diet of your choice. Don't tell them how I made you go to feeding therapy when u were in first grade. Because for shits sake, u would go days without eating and hotdamn your blood sugar was getting low.

don't tell anyone any of this. Also don't mention the fact I let you go on the internet. Because child rapers hang out there.


This is the whore who has herpes in her eyes..

Sure she looks all sweet and cuddly. But she must be sharing her kibble with the wrong crowd. Spreading her tuna round a-bout. Putting her eyes in places they don't belong....Like my dogs ass.

I did tell her that even though she may not be having an outbreak, she can still spread herpes to anyone at any time..
I hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving. I wont post again till probably Monday or Tuesday the 27th or something like that. Don't worry, or miss me..I will be with you in spirit.

Sorry I am not leaving you with a better post. I have to be to work at midnight tonight. Normally at midnight I like to be doing one of the following, but not limited too

* watching infomercials
*painting my toenails
* combing my hair
*telling one the of the bees to shut the hell up and go to sleep
* surf the internet
* channel surf
*check out the back of my eyelids

Have a good one.

I just told Boo to come here, and she told me " I told you, I am Minnie"

I told her your not Minnie your poopy pants.

Then she said " well if u say so momma"

Bee Real

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Goodbye yellow brick road

Well another day has come and gone, and still penguin free. And the little lady of the hive is very unhappy bout that. She even went to great lengths to show me where to pick one up they way, that would be IHOP, Toys R US and the ocean. I thanked her for telling me where to get one, and would do my best on getting one, but that I thought it would be unlikely the momma penguin would let me take one a babies, and that I would not want a penguin to come take her away from me.

Then about ten times during the course of my day she would say

momma, its unwikly momma penguin will let u have baby? Did u say pweese

I am just gonna have to get one, there is no way around this now. I have dug myself a grave and I need to be buried alive in it..Anyone have a shovel to knock me out with so I am unconscience during my demise?

I had a few things happen today that pissed me off. Two damn days in a row.

First off..

don't have my son call me from school to ask when we are leaving for Michigan, then have HIM ask me why I did not send a note, then to get on the phone yourself and tell me that you "guess" u will inform the office of this sudden and change and that u will "try" to get his homework to me before we leave..

We made up our mind the night before that we would leave Monday rather then Tuesday. And I forgot his damn note, and his teacher had him call...I hate her now.

I informed this bitch that we came to the desciosn the night before that we would leave a day sooner and that I would be ever so grateful if she would please notify all the proper "authorities" that my son will be gone one more day. And holy crap, sue me for not getting a note to you straight away, but holy shit u can cancel school on a whim for some dumb ass football game. And I only had two days notice of this change. And next time they decide to cancel school for such an assnine thing, to please inform me AS soon as possible cuz holy crap..I gotta know when to close my meth lab.

Next thing on the agenda for bitch slapping..

My realtor whom is overseeing my renters was to overnight our rent. Now unless I am still sleeping and this whole day has been a damn mirage...Where the hell is my money?

Because as I stated yesterday, I had the misfortune of not marrying into money and therefore can not afford to just let them buttlickers live in my house for free.

Then the boss at the jail calls and asks if I can work Thursday from 6am to 6pm. I informed him I am working at the crazy house Thursday night at midnight. And believe it or not I do need a nap in order to to so. And for the love of God, Bossy has a life and holy dogcrap I cant come and your beck and call...Please let me live in peace like the Indians...this according to my son......He thinks Indians are a peaceful people..Oh wait never mind that was the Mexicans...

Next thing...
While my son was out roller blading I looked out the window briefly to make sure his guts were not splattered in the road, because holy crap we have no sidewalks and my kids have to ride bikes and skate in the road..anyhoo, I saw him being chased by the homelyiest looking girls in my life. When he came inside he informed me that one of them called him an asshole.

Thumbs up for the potty mouthed babes.

Oh and my son has informed my mother and anyone else who will listen, that me Bossy, the one who pushed his 8 pound 10 once floppy body outta my nether regions..Does not love him.

I guess parents are not allowed to tell their kids to study and not to use drugs, have pre-martial sex, run meth labs..(without the proper precautions in place of course) and to be a good church going boy..

because if u teach them all that shit, they think u hate them.

I guess my job here is done.

Oh and Butch, whom has been my only biological spawn who embraced proper rock and roll, has now informed me he has taken a liking to pop music.

That is what really put a knife in my heart......

So, back to the task at hand...Who has the fuc*ing shovel? Just hit me on the back of the head full force. Toss my nimble, toned, yet corps-ish shell of a self into the hole.

Then someone please break it to boo that she will not be getting a penguin. Tell Blondie she looks pretty when she wears dresses, and tell Butch to get his ass to his room and study. Because heavens to Betsy you cant run a proper meth lab with no education.

Bee Real

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Working for the weekend

I have about had it. Dare I say I am fed up. That sounds like such a mom thing to say..

"hey, I am fed up with your attitude young lady"..Crap I am old.

I have not aired my woes in a while, and I feel this is the time. I may burst if I don't..So beware...This might not be pretty..

Here is the first thing that is pissing me off...

The house we own in Michigan, is rented out..Because hell I aint married to a Rockefeller and I don't wanna make two damn house-payments. Well the jokers/asswipes who rent it cant pay on time..EVER, so my nice kind real estate lady pays us, then she collects the money from said asslickers. Well yesterday was the 14th and we still had not received it. I might as well be waiting for said asslickers to send it. I informed her that unless her checkbook was over thrown by monkeys or she was in a coma for the last month, there indeed was no reason why are rent was not here on the 1st.

Number two...

why do you dismiss school early for a football game but not for a blizzard or when its say -120 degrees outside? Thursday both kids schools are letting out at 11:45? Why the Sam bloody hell do I bother sending them? That is not nearly enough time to run my meth lab. No meth will be made, bought or sold that day I guess.

Number three...
don't call me in to work 3 hours before you need me, because holy shit bossy has a life..

Number four..
I forgot what I was going to say...crapola..

You will never guess what my boo bee said she wanted for Christmas. Guess, go ahead.

A fuc*ing penguin.

Kidding around as I was leaving for work I told her I would get her one...I asked her if she wanted a boy or girl ...She said " no momm, I want baby penguin"

I then inform her that she will need to buy penguin food, and they like fish so she needs to go fishing.

I head out the door and she thanks me for getting a penguin...

I come home and the first thing she asks me is ,if momma got her penguin.

what the hell, you remembered about the damn penguin?

Not only that, but she told me she needed to go fishing, so she can feed her baby penguin fish..

Guess Bossy has to get a penguin...fuc*it.....note to self, don't make jokes with a three year old cause holy batshit that they cant tell when ur making a funny.

We are leaving in 4 days for the homeland to attend the wedding of the not the Tomcat wedding...rather the jenarry wedding.

wow that was pretty damn clever on my part..See her name is Jennifer my dads name is Larry...Get it jenarry?

Ok I better go get my damn penguin...Can they be litter trained..Yes...No..Anyone?

Bee Real

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


So I took the ever so popular bridesmaid dress in for a much needed overhaul. I was fearing the worst,that they would need to purchase tent material to extend it a bit. But thankfully this was not the case. They just had to nip it in a bit...better in then out I always say.

My pussy cat is sick. She went to the vet..She has been coughing and sneezing and weezing. So being the good animal caretaker that I am, I take her in....i wont mention the fact she has been sick since i got her, which was a month ago...

Well my feline has bactrial pnemoinia, oh and a case of herpes in her eyes..yee-haw for herpes...The vet said its common for cats to get that, I am thinking my cat is some sort of tramp.

Then while leaving the vet with a pussy cat and three bees, my Boo starts calling Butch a "butt" in the parking lot. Then she screams " hahahaha, your a butt"

My son asks me where she hears this kind of talk as he surley did not teach her that. As if I taught her that.

And she has a fancy move she uses when calling you a butt..she turns her back to you and pretends to spread her butt cheeks open..

Now thats class people!

Well my son has finally come to realize that Ugly Kid is not his friend. Why you ask? Because holy crap ugly kid steals his shit. Why did I not know this before? Its not like I had NOT been warning him bout this little diarrhea filled pisser of a kid.

Now ugly kid calls my nice looking kid names. Oh and butch has informed me that Ugly Kid swears. Holy shit NO!

My boy is around enough verbal hogwash while he is in the confines of the hive, he don't be needing it on school grounds.


Blondie is still friends with the penis. I have never been so anti penis in my life.

Bee Real

Monday, November 13, 2006

Billys got a gun

I was not feeling well for a few days. I was either thinking that the devil had cast some very bad spell on me and was cursing me with some form of morning sickness, or I had the bird flu...

I was so praying for the bird flu.

hence it stopped...So no spawn of Satan to be born and no avian flu....Although I was so pulling for the avian flu...


I got a new piece of excersie equipment. It is so totally worth the money that was spent on it. Its fun, and you can bounce. Who the hell doesn't like to bounce?

This is what I have..

Its called the UrbanRebound. And I heart it..

My new workout schedule goes as follows..

30-60 minutes running/walking on my treadmill
20 minutes of the rebound..(comes complete with a workout dvd..And let me say, its a workout..)
20 minutes of weight training..

Gosh with doing this 6 days a week, my fat ass should be shed in NO time...

I am hoping by tomorrow anyway....


So we have had a new development since I posted my penis rules...

Let me state it all again for those who missed it..Now pay attention..

if u have one of these..

under no uncertain circumstances do you call THIS..


Or you are subject to the wrath of this..


and it wont be pretty, trust me!

Are we all clear on this?

You see, a few days ago my Blondie Bee got a phone call. This was the jist of it.

what r u doing

nothing what r u doing


what did u have for dinner

blah blah blah

ok bye..


Of course I am paraphrasing the boy. This is just what I assume was being said. My phone lines are now tapped, so I can go back and listen to these calls should they happen again.

When I asked her about this boy, I asked if he was her boyfriend, and she told me yes..


then I asked her if he was cute and she said..."Momma"

I said "well is he an ugly kid or a cute kid"...And u know what she said...I cant get it out of my brain..

well momma, I will just say...He looks nice

someone please shoot me.

Bee Real

Friday, November 10, 2006

Rock Brigade

Ok I am posting for Friday today, because after I get home Friday morning at 0600..( for you retards that's 6am) I wont feel like writing my prize winning crap..So I am being nice and giving your diaper full of diarrhea today..cuz I love u guys..

So where do I start..Oh I know..Remember the guy I was talking about a few days ago? The one who was close personal friends with Jesse Ventura and claimed if he brought him a thimble full of water as I did, not only would he stir it with his fuc*ing brains, but the bastard would kick him!...That guy..Remember?..

well when I got to work Wednesday night there was a note in our log book..This is what it said and I quote.

"don't go in Mr Jackhammers room alone, as his mind is empty"

No shit you don't say. If u thought for one second I would walk into his cell alone, then u must be on crack or u think I am..

But next to that was this..

never mind, he has been committed to the mental hospital..

oh you don't say ....

I went to work Wed night thinking it would be a peaceful night..I was wrong...I ended up booking in 9 inmates. I did not get to sit down till about 3 am...And then by that time it was time for me to get one of my work release gals up and to pass the 5 am meds...Damn..I was planning on going to the laundry room to " do laundry"..While I nap..


Mr shaky has done something to my Boo. You know what the lil gal does? If she sees an open container of any liquid...She grabs it and poors it down the john. Yesterday she tried 3 times to dump my Dt Dr pepper down the crapper...

I saw her take numerous water bottles and take them into the bathroom. I wondered what she was doing..But I am one of them moms who think...hmm, there being quiet, they don't have a pocket knife..They are ok..

and I continue to watch a def leppard music video block on vh-1 classic..cuz hell, that's what any good respecting mum does..

So when Shaky got home I asked him about this new devoplement in my Boos behavior..You know what he said?

she's cleaning up!

And he said it was though he was proud of himself. Like he had just taught a dog how to shit on the grass instead of the floor..

I was not amused. And I told him she already dumped two cans of my nectar. And if she did it one more time I was going to pummel her with a care bear .

So now in my garbage can in the bathroom is a collection of empty pop cans, water bottles and one cup..I am not digging it out..So it will go out with the rest of them.

And here I was teaching her to NEVER put anything down the toilet that did not come out of her butt or that was not toilet paper.

All I know is if she plugs up that toilet, Mr Shaky is gonna be in some big trouble. Even though we have 3 johns....I will make Mr Shaky dig his hand down the toilet and retrieve what item she may have been cleaning it be a remote, a salad fork, or Mr shakys shoe..I don't care..

I am official off of toilet duty...Its his monster he created and he can have fun dealing with the side effects of a three year old cleaning up..

Bossy no more is in charge of that bathroom..Go Me.

well I better go prepare for my night at the place I make lots of money at to get hit on by the lowest of scum..

Man go me again..

Bee Real

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


I don't know why Boo bee thinks there needs to be conversation during potty time. Last night as she was sitting on the john she yelled for me. And it was the kind of yell that made me think she mighta crapped a lung out, or possiably part of her anus.

I go in there and say " what do u want"

momma, my hair is brown

Yes, I know your hair is brown.

but momma, wook, its prwetty and its brown...And I don't like it when u comb it..momma no comb my hair.

I tell her that indeed her hair is brown and indeed it will be combed.

Then she tells me that she does not love me anymore.

Aww, puppy love, it comes and goes..I am sure when she gets good and hungry she will once again dig deep within her soul and love me again..


Well they finally came with my dish network. It took the red headed guy about 2 hours to get her all hooked up. I spent an hour watching vh-1 classic. The bad part was it was a show I had already seen on vh-1..I wanted to see the videos..damnit.

but eventually the videos came and all was good in the world.

As I am writing this I see my son walking home from school. Yes I agreed he could be kidnapped. The only reason I let him walk home is because when he rides the bus home, he has to wait over 20 minutes at a private school for them kids to get out. Now I just think if its a private school the parents should take the kids and bring them home...Why should my tax dollars pay for these kids to ride the public school bus, and make my son wait over half an hour on a bus when we live a mere 3 blocks away?..

Anyhoo, he is walking with a little girl. Now normally this little girl stops at the street and goes the other way for home. Yet Today she walked him right to my front door.

GO away little girl..Butch cant play with anyone who doesn't have a penis.


Just so you know this will be my last post till Friday. I work two 12 hour shifts this week. I gotta keep the prisoners in line at all costs. They like my big boobs I think.

And for the record, the opposite is true for Blondie, she indeed can not play with anyone who has a penis. Just so we are clear on that.

So I am pro penis with one, and anti penis with the other...Am I wishy washy?

No I call it good descion making..

Ok here are my google hits for today.

*I love being naked

*buffy "over my knee"


*permanent eyeliner" "his eyes"

* werewolve circus people..

ok, this one has me worried....

*over the counter sleep aides

Those were just some of the ways u can come across ole Bossy from Google..Rock On

Google, bringing bossy to the good people of the world

Well I need to go watch my vh-1 classic. Then find my leg warmers, and something with shoulder pads..

Bee Real

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

High and dry

My retarded bees had no school Monday. You would think they would not have them skip any days, as they are not the brightest bulbs in the lamp..But whatever..

So I did what any normal , sane mom does when all three of the bees are home. We go to the mall. I needed to get me and Blondie shoes for my dads wedding. It took FOREVER to find a nice pair. Now my best pal and future step mom Jen, said she wanted me to wear silver shoes. So I looked and looked. I found lots, but they all sucked donkey balls..

Until I saw these..

I will let you guess which ones are mine and which ones are Blondies...Your smart people...I hope anyway...

And then I realized I had not shown you my dress either...And I thought to myself, what kind of friend of mine to not show you such a thing...

Again, I am going to make you put your thinking caps on..Which one will my wide ass fit in?....Probably neither, that's why I am my starvation diet...

Oh and look what I found at the lost and found box........

I picked her up, washed her off and brought her home..I call her George...aint she cute?...

I am hungry. Somebody feed me please......I am also spending countless hours running. I am trying to run away from my fat ass, but the damn things is still right behind me and always catches up to me in the end.

I am thinking they will need to get some sort of tent materiel to extend my dress...Do they make tents that fancy?..Any boyscouts out there..Yes..No..?
For the fun of it I started keeping track of my site meter hits that come here thru Google searches. I wanted to see what words and phrases brought goons here..

These are the ones from Monday..

*coco beans in Dove Chocolate
I was number three on google for that..

*The holocaust could have been prevented Jehovah
I thought that was in interesting search, and I am number one for that hit..GO ME!!

* sex Lecone
ok I am nt sure what that is ....But I was like 3rd on the second page...hmmm

*Bossy's Blog
I was 4 on that google search...Why only 4?....What the hell is up with that?

If u have a meter, its fun to see what phrases has your blog come up..Take a looksy and see, then click and see where you were at...If ur number one..You rock ..

I will be so glad when this election is over. I hate all those commercials. And now they are just nasty. I openly admit I am a democrat. Yes I am an ass....I would rather be an ass then an elephant any day..although from behind I look like both..

Rather your an elephant or an ass, please vote.

I am not sure who our new governor will be. Frankly I don't care. One good thing about this state is that we have NO tax on any clothing...That includes shoes and anything that is classified as apparel.

And if that should go away if we get a new boss of the state, whatever. I don't plan on living here much longer anyway.....

But I know a guy who is a close personal friend of our old govoner Jesse Ventura. And if Jesse were to give him a thimble full of water, he would stir it with his fuc*ing brains and then kick him..

Yup..Minnesota nice all over this damn state..

Bee Real

Monday, November 06, 2006

Die hard the hunter

So indeed I did not come down with a rampid case of head lice, scabies or any type of Asian/bird/poultry flu. I worked my full 12 hour shift Saturday and my full 8 hour shift Sunday. But it does leave me with one humorous tale to tell..I know how u like that.

Late Sunday afternoon the Police brought in a gentleman who had just been in our custody not too long ago..He was brought in for something, and he was drunk. I threw him in a holding cell and he said he was thirsty. So being the nice officer I am I get a nice big plastic cup and fill it with some nice cold h2o for my lil inmate. I unlock his cell and tell him to walk over and get it. He looks at my cup I am offering, and that is not enough. He does not want that he needs a quart of water.

""a quart you say?...hmm...Not gonna happen my friend, not gonna happen"

So I slam his door shut and leave the thirsty drunk there to just be...Well thirsty I guess.

After we were done with evening meds I go and check on him. He tells he he needs to go to the bathroom, so I open his cell and escort him to the potty. He asks me if it would be ok if he puts his head under the faucet to get a drink, because he needed a quart of water to quench his drunk ass thirst..

After he gets out of the potty he walks over to me and this is what he says..And I do quote..

"you know, Jesse Ventura is a close personal friend of mine, and if he would show up with a thimble full of water for me, I would take the thimble and stir it with his fucking brains, then I would kick him....No one just offers me a thimble full of water when I need a quart. I swear even if Jesse Ventura offered me a thimble full of water I would take it, and stir his fucking brains with it, then I would fucking kick him.."

For those of you who aren't clear on who Jesse is, he was a professional wrestler who was indeed the governor of this crappy state a few years back..And the close personal friend of this drunk asscracker.

This is what I deal with. Sometimes getting paid a lot of money per hour to deal with people like that isn't worth it. This indeed was not the case....

I tried my hardest to keep from laughing, he was so serious. As of 9 pm he was still in the holding cell awaiting booking. I am sure he will get Jesse on the phone and tell him how long he had to wait to get in his own cozy cell..Poor lil fella.


My lil Boo is loving her new bed. She looks so little sleeping in it.

The other night me and Mr Shaky were sitting on the couch and she is standing close by and she is petting our little kitten. I asked her if the kitty was cute. She said it was. Then she asked me why the kitty was cute. I told her because God made her cute.

Then she says..

"momma, God is my frwend"

I then say ," yes God is your friend, your right."

she smiles and is so proud of herself for saying that God is her friend.

My mom comes over and I say to Boo " tell grandma who your friend is"

" God is my frwend, God likes me...And the kitty too..God is my frwend, I like God"

All I can say, is at least she has a friend, unlike her dang mother who begs people on the internet to be her friend.DAMN what a damn loser I am.

Hey internet, I am friendless. Do u feel sorry for me? Hey I have big boobs, does that help?...Yes...No..?

I make a mean turkey(meat)loaf.....Does that matter?

I can also whip up a good grilled cheese sandwich...

Oh speaking of food, I am now on a ..No carb, no fiber, no liquid, no meat, no protein, no sugar and no salt diet.

I can eat grass seed, small amounts of muddy rain water and I can chew on kibble but I cant swallow it.

I am taking my dress in to be altered in one week for the wedding I am in. And it aint looking good. Not looking good at all.

Well I am gonna go sit and wait for the dish net work people to come and give me my vh-1 classic.

if I get cranky over the next few weeks, its because I am most likely all bound up from lack of nourishment. But it will pass. Or I will die. Either way, it will work out in your best interest.

Bee Real

Friday, November 03, 2006

Billys got a gun...he's on the run

When you tell me your going to do something, and then it does not pan out, it pisses me off.

example one...Late last week I called our local dish-network provider to set up service..( I have went two long years without VH-1 Classic) I was told they would come this week. I called them Wednesday, they informed they would be here Thursday. I was giddy. I could not wait. I am only getting dish-network just so I can have the classic vh-1 channel. For those of you who don't know about this channel, its amazing..It plays videos and stuff when music was still good. Its all classic stuff, from the 70's 80's and whatnot...And when it really began to tick me off, is when I knew Def Leppard week was going on, and I had to freakin miss it..

So they were suppose to come yesterday. Then I get a call about 9am that indeed my equipment had not arrived, and that they would not be able to come until the following Tuesday. This mad me madder then a wet hen. I told then as much. I said to her.." so you must not of ordered this the DAY I requested it, because there is no reason why it would take over a week for such supplies to get to your store when indeed you ARE a satellite store..Am I right?"

All she would say is that she called the company and they said they could not track the shipment, so therefore she thought it had not been sent...yea whatever..

Then last Saturday I go and order Boo's bed. Everyday she asks me if its Fwyday yet because she knew it was coming Friday.

They call and tell me they will be here between 1-3. I wait. And wait and wait...I hate waiting. Finally 4 pm rolls around and still no damn bed. So I call. They are running late.

So this pisses me off.

But finally they came, finally Boo has her big girl bed

She picked the color of the walls. At the time I liked it, but when I put it on the walls, it kinda blew my mind. Its very bright, kinda like looking at a bottle of Pepto or something...I mean it is so bright I don't even need to turn the damn lights on.

That black stuff on the wall is her blackboards I made...I am going to move her bed to the other side of the room, so she has easy access to the chalk board..

So that's her bed, and the shitty paint job on her wall, with the color so bright u do need shades..

I did the most assnine thing..I agreed to work 12 hours on Saturday and 8 hours on Sunday. Why, I am not sure, but I am hoping to come down with a case of the bird flu or maybe scabies....I hate working 12 hours. Noon to midnight...That's me..That's how damn stupid I am...Who the hell says they will work noon to midnight on a Saturday?...Me that's who..The dumb shit here in the corner of the pepto dressed walls.

so I am here still, with no dish network. No VH-1 classic....Just regular VH-1 that only plays crappy shows with that ugly dude flava flav...Oh and great programming notes..Danny bonaducie is one crazy mo-fo...Who the hell exploits themselves like that?..Damn what an ass cracker he is..

Well I have crap to do..I need to go try and catch some diease, or get hit by a truck..Or something that will prevent me from working..

Bee Real

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Run Riot

There are some things I hate. I will give u some examples

Cold weather
kids that talk back
scrubbing my tubs
getting up in the morning...

the list goes on....BUT one thing I really HATE is when people come knocking at my door wanting me to join their cult, I mean religion...As you all know, I make no bones about religion. Do I believe in God?..Yup sure do...Do I believe Christ died for our sins?..Yup sure do...

looks like Bossy is going to Heaven after all folks...

What I cant stand is people going door to door throwing their damn pamphlets in my face. As soon as I see they are prowling the area, I keep a watchful eye, waiting for them to come hither.

The door knocks. I go to the door. Its freezing cold..I say " what can I do for you"

The woman looks at me, and says " can I talk to you a minute about the word of God?"

this is me..

please don't take this the wrong way , but I am not interested in what your patrolling the streets with. Being a part of a religion is not like being a vacuum salesman, there for I am going to show you the same respect I just showed the Kirby guy last week...NO THANK YOU...

Now to me that is pretty straight forward. No bones about it. I was not wanting to hear their speak.

Now this woman says " so u don't want to take a moment to discuss false religion?"

with you mam, no I don't, because I feel what your spewing is false religion, if u care to have a debate about this with me, why don't you come back when my husband comes home, he is currently a seminary student and I am sure he would LOVE to sit and chat with you about all this.......

Then the woman looks at me like I have two heads. Maybe I did, I don't know...And she says..." I will leave u with this, please read it if u want....."

I don't want to but thank you......

But she puts it in my hand anyway...

and I throw it on my counter.....Then after a few hours I see it sitting there and begin to look at it....This is some excerpts of what she left me..

if more people practiced versions of what the Jehovah's witnesses preach and practice, the holocaust could have been prevented and genocide would scourge no more.

then it goes on to tell about the beast that will come to Earth and eat my flesh for not being a Jehova's witness...

What the hell kind of mixed up shit is that? How is that going to sway me to join? How is that going to get me to say " holy crap, I am in the wrong religion"

its not...

And who the hell wants to be a part of a religion where they don't celebrate birthdays?....hmmm...Answer me that?...That's bullpucky.

Aint no religion gonna take MY birthday away !.


I have noticed that when I take Boo to the potty she has some enlightening conversation materiel. This was us today...

momma u know hanny manny? His name not really hanny, it just manny..

momma u know butterflies really cant talk....

momma, I wike watching dora..She is funny

My baby...aint she cute.

As I am seated on the couch with a pile of DOTS and tootsie rolls in front of me...back off they are fat free people... she says..

"momma u gonna get tummy ache."

not more then an hour later I had to sit on the john for an hour while my intestines were punishing me with the sugar overload I had given them...How the hell does she know this?...She is 3.

I should be telling HER she will be getting a tummy ache...Damn I love this kid.

my kids got toothbrushes for Halloween..Little toothbrushes ...How damn clever is that? I thought Carmen was on to something with the playdough, but toothbrushes?..That pure damn genius right there....


I will leave you with a bit more of my pamphlet reading..If u care to join this cult, let me know and I wil forward their info on to you, because Bossy is here for the people..

soon amazing events will take place, the ten horns that u saw and the wild beast, these will hate the harlot and will make her devastated and naked, and will eat up her fleshy parts and will completely burn her with fire..

sounds divine huh?..Everyone knows how much I love being naked..

Bee Real

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


Ok, I have decided to interview Mr Shaky on his weirdness....These are the burning answers to the question you are all dying to know..

ME: what is your deal with the vitamins

Mr Shaky: if we have limited amounts of food, then the kids will have their nutrients

Me: Why would you think we would ever have a limited amount of food?

Mr Shaky: Well if there was a snow storm or something where we could not get to the store, or we couldn't get gas to get the to the store, you know things happen..And then you will thank me.

Me: why all the first aide kits

Mr shaky: well first all of, only ONE is for the house, the other two are for the cars..Thank you very much..

ME: why do you like to wear my pants

Mr shaky: because they are comfortable, and its only one stupid pair I wear and they are blue..Thank you very much..

I guess that's enough for now, he is starting to get a little testy..


So we went out trick or treating. It was cold. I got the kids all dressed up, we head out. Every house we go to Boo asks this...Every time..

momma we done yet?

Now I wasn't sure if she wanted it to be over, or if she was just making sure it was NOT over.

A lady told her how pretty she was and she said "yes, yes, I know I pretty"

how freakin embarrassing..

Then we are a few houses from home and she comes to a dead stop in a drive way...I say " come on boo, lets get moving"

and this is her..

"ohhhh momma, come here..I seen a ghost, we go home now ok"

And the whole rest of the way home she kept looking behind her to make sure the ghost wasn't following us. And we were the only people on the block walking...

A few houses gave me some candy, I don't know if I looked under-fed...Or if they thought I was dressed up in costume...Either way, I got candy too.

Here are the goblins

Blondie Bee is The bride of Frankenstien, Butch is..I am not sure what he is...And Boo is a butterfly..

aren't they just so darn spooky ? You cant even tell their retards can U?

Bee Real